Why am I naked officer?
So, this is some years ago now *wavy lines and mysterious atmospheric music* I used to live in a little town in the North West called Runcorn. In Runcorn there was a nice little boozer called the Quay Side (formerly the Canal Side) it was right next to...yes you guessed it a canal.

It was the local establishment that seemed to turn a blind eye to the MASSIVE drug use that we would partake in (it has since changed hands). It was the usual pound a pint from 8-9 on a Friday night.

Myself and an eclectic mix of wanna be goths, nu metal fruitcakes, emo girls and the usual narcotic fuelled drug addled "regulars" that we tended to gravitate towards. Behind the pub there used to be a football stadium for the Runcorn Town FC boys, I say stadium, I have seen fields that are used for the annual bonfire in better condition. Anyway this had been knocked down some years earlier to make way for housing development, a friend of mine and his goth wannabe girlfriend were renting one of these new apartments so we were less than 5 minutes walk away and less than 1 minute away if we scaled the fence at the back of the pub beer garden.

Kicking out time had come around and we were being shepherded towards the exits like a group of skittish coked up bovine feckless morons. It was a warm, even HOT evening and when outside the pub someone had their shirt off I forget who now, I decided to go one step further and strip to my Animal from Sesame Street boxers, i believe the idea was to take a dip in the rat infested canal. I was dared some extra booze once we got back to Lee's house to strip, knowing that i was only 1 minute from sanctuary I proceeded to do so.

At this point one of the people present launched my clothes over the fence and the rest of them scaled the fence apart from the girls that were with us, that proceeded to take the long route through a relatively new and well lit housing estate, they did this at a jogging pace. I gave chase begging them not to leave me, at this point I tried to scale the rather large fence with some difficulty, gave up and gave chase along the footpath after the females...at this point a police car rounded the corner and saw a group of maybe 4 or 5 females being chased down the road close to midnight by a naked man with a bottle of cheap lager in his hand and a tiny coked up penis.

The female officer was very kind to me, when I say kind, she handcuffed me and was going to arrest me for public lewdness (this is a thing). It was only when the girls came back and explained what was happening that they then allowed me to go and put it down to a drunken stunt.

It could have been much worse.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:38, 2 replies)

It could have The LOVELY Span Eff.
You were lucky to avoid a sausageing I'd say.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:46, closed)

should have definitely have used TRUNCHEONING there i think the LOVELY stuj

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 14:55, closed)

The information i'm choosing to take from this is Runcorn Town FC boys
and you running around exposing yourself
( Glovington, Fri 18 Jul 2014, 11:25, closed)