Hmmm, I may have to change my username........
I rarely travel on public transport in this country because it's shite outside the capital and frequented by London types in the capital.
I have, however, inflicted trauma on public transport.
I was on the platform in Manchester's Picadilly station watching two DNA wastes trolling through the crowd. Whenever they saw someone of a victimlike nature they'd bum a fag (ooer mrs etc.), ask for a light and keep the lighter etc. I was sitting on a bench with my laptop bag between my feet whan the taller of the two subhumans caught my eye and wandered over, his simian mate wandering behind me. Obviously they thought they would try it on.
Wrong guy.
As oxygen thief one drew closer, I took my umbrella in my right hand (as an aside, it's one I bought in a "special", invitations only, security show in London. Carbon fibre and batteries go into it's construction, get the idea?).

He/it asked "What's in the bag"?

I replied "Nothing you'd want to die for sonny".

He took umbrage at this and moved toward me.

It's surprising how well nose hair burns when 65,000 volts are applied via the tip of said umbrella inserted into the nostril of the aforementioned miscreant. He/it fell in a twitching incontinent heap while I turned to deal with neanderthal two. Unfortunately for him, he'd decided to back away looking at me the whole time. Which was probably the reason he fell off the platform, onto the rails, breaking both ankles.

Which was nice.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 29 May 2008, 16:28, 7 replies)

Now, I'm going to click...
....but that better be true.

It could be someone my fist had an altercation with on the bridge to platforms 19/20 (i think) after he tried to relieve me of my phone.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 29 May 2008, 16:35, closed)

...
I'm very glad that you and I seemed to get on, Cap'n. I wouldn't want to be on your wrong side.

*click*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 29 May 2008, 16:38, closed)

I want one
How do I get hold of one?
(Jugular, Thu 29 May 2008, 16:45, closed)

^^ this
sounds like a very useful tool in london.
( pixel_fucker is going to need a bigger brush, Thu 29 May 2008, 17:08, closed)

hehe, don't mention owning things like that publically
:D

but still, science: 2 mongs: 0

hehe
( discomeats This canoe, Thu 29 May 2008, 21:06, closed)

Bond. James Bond.

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 29 May 2008, 22:23, closed)

"Nothing you'd want to die for sonny"
Excellent work! If I ever need a deadly polite bodyguard, can I come to you?
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Fri 30 May 2008, 12:38, closed)