Tubes - buses & a few pints.
Seeing as I have a total phobia of vomit I have had to be really careful once again with this QOTW - it has nearly had me chunder, I couldnt imagine what would happen should I ever be in an enclosed space whilst someone vomits near me...

Anyway I digress...

I don't drive, so I rely exclusivly on public transport and taxi's...

When I moved to that there London village I was amazed at the quality of transport... in my eyes reliable, cheap and fast - I'd moved from a backwater small town/commuter village where it was acceptable to only have 3 trains a day, and a bus service that was timetabled with 2 hour gaps - if it ran at all.

Anyway...

I can honestly say I am truely amazed I am alive today...

I was living in NW london in lovely Kenton, my job was in lovely Twickenham in SW London - this was quite some commute - it would take about an hour and a half if all the connection matched up - but more often they didnt so it was more like 2 hours and a bit.

Tough job, long hours - coming home I used to soften my journey by having a few beers... it amazing how time flies when you've taken that edge off...

So one afternoon, after recieving a fat cheque from a happy client my boss gave me a nice cash bonus 'to have some fun' and sent me on my way earlier than normal...

The sun was out, the birds were cheeping... so I went to the pub... for a beer...

a beer turned into about 7, feeling the need to get back in one piece all the way across the city - I thought it best if I stop whislt ahead. I get up and I'm drunker than I thought.. bollox... thinks I.

I clamber across to the shops, get a newspaper and 8 more cans - and trundle off to the station...

straight onto the train - two stops if I recall correctly... off for a change - now this is where it starts to become a tad hazy... I recall the notice board stating that a train was due - I recall waiting, and waiting, on what was a strangly empty platform... quite happy in my sozzled state, I waited some more...

I started to realise I must've missed something, so I went to one of the guards in one of those little cubicles... and asked him what was up...

his response... 'I dunno' and went back to staring into space... I wander off to look at the board... it's stil stating the train is due, but is late by at least 30 minutes...

So I go back to this helpfull chappy and ask again.. same response... The thing was I knew he knew the answer to my questions... but was so bastardly unionised he couldnt simply say... yeah mate they're screwed, but hang about it'll be here shortly... This type of attituded jobsworth union cock monkey really started to make my drunked state turn vitriolic...

I did what any skinny short arse would do... I spat my chewing gum in his general direction bouncing off his little desk, right next to his foot...

Monkey wasnt happy... monkey was outraged... at last a reaction!! woo hoo.. so I asked him about the train once again - foaming at the mouth he splutters into his walkitalki for security - thinknig that I am some kind of mad man in a cheap suit security come over, and ask whats the problem - then ask me to leave...

I said no...

they're not allowed to touch people...

so they called the police...

the police came in about 3 and a half seconds

they escorted me from the building - I explained what I had done, and let me on my way...

a taxi to the next tube station, 2 more changes... 6 of the 8 cans gone... I am a blabbering mess... sat on a platform somewhere or other, I fall asleep... wallet with a few hundred quid pocking out my back pocket... bag somewhere at my feet...

I get woken up by a nice young lady - she gave me a fag...

and off I trundled...

not arrested, not mugged or bummed...

but over 4 hours after I left the office...

Not the worst, and it was my fault but well.. it was sort of mermorable... ha

Length - 30 ish miles...
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 30 May 2008, 16:10, 1 reply)

Done like a true Bromsgrovian
im proud
(Foulkesy123 The one and only..., Fri 30 May 2008, 16:32, closed)