I was the trauma...
I have only been driving for 8 months so have spent many, many years using public transport. This was quite traumatic in itself because I appear to have a sign on my forehead that says, "crazies, sit here". Even when I'm reading/on my laptop/have headphones on, I clearly have a face that says, "I want you to talk drivel at me for the whole journey. Come on down! It's a free for all!" And there was that time some random Janner sat opposite me and offered me several cans of Fosters.

However, this has just come screaming back to me. Just to set the scene, I was 17, just finished my AS Levels and had gone to ahouse party across the water (of the Tamar, sadly) at the house of a girl I had worked with. I'd been drunk when out before, but I think this may have been my first proper wasted house party. At one stage I was thrown to the floor by a girl I didn't even know, my top pulled up, salt poured on my stomach and a slice of lemon rammed in my mouth as this girl proceded to do a tequila slammer with me as her Debbie McGee salt-lemon-holder. So that should give you a fair idea of what was consumed the night before.

After leaving quite swiftly (we'd broken the toilet seat by having some drunken sex on it - which we'd paid for but were slightly embarassed by) we got a taxi home. Next morning we had to get the bus to college to get our results. Now, in those days hangovers rarely consisted of headaches, mainly just feeling vomity for a while. I woke up feeling fairly ok so we got dressed and went to wait for a bus. The bus that turned up was unfortunately a rickety old double decker that smelt as though a tramp has ass rubbed all the seats several times. It was a 30 minute journey that was picking up several old ladies and a few mothers with children at each stop. The bile was rising in my stomach with each turn the bus made and I was getting a horrible feeling that I wouldn't make it off the us before I was sick. We were about 5 minutes from our stop when my mouth started watering uncontrollably and I knew that my time was up. Up game what was mostly alcohol I assume cos there was no colour to it. But I had no tissue so I was sat trying to catch it with my hands. Cue lots of stares from other passengers, I expect they wanted to know what some chav in a hoody with greasy hair and red eyes was doing wretching and vomiting on a public bus.

So hey ho, I guess my years of attracting crazies after this was just bus-karma for quite possibly traumatising some small children. Ooops!
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Tue 3 Jun 2008, 20:05, 2 replies)

trick
The trick is to smile at them, and pat the seat next to you inviting them to sit next to you. I reckon it'll scare them off 19 times out of 20.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 3 Jun 2008, 20:15, closed)

Excellent
Why did I never think of this? Thanks, I shall try this next time I'm on a Virgin train on Boxing Day. Have some cake for your kindness!
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Tue 3 Jun 2008, 21:29, closed)