Dirty bitch
Bunch of Geordie builders adopted our S.London local - all a bit daft except for Vince, the respected leader of the group. Tone was the runt of the bunch - a really dim twat. When Vince's birthday came round 'the lads' got him a roly-polygram - big wobbly old stripper came to the pub, flashed her tits a bit, sat on his lap etc etc. Great night.

Following week was Tone's birthday and he was convinced they would give him the same treatment. In fact he went on about it all week.

Saturday night they were all in. We all bought Tone a drink - reluctantly - so he was pretty pissed when a portly middle-aged lady walked in wearing a soaking raincoat. She had got caught in a downpour, took shelter with a fruit juice and proceeded to play a fruit machine till the rain stopped.

After about five minutes of play, with Tone leering drunkenly at her and searching for any sign of stripper kit, she set all the lights on the machine off and had no idea what to do. She turned to Tone; "'Scuse me love, any idea what..."

Tone leapt backwards with a pirate-like 'Ahaargh!' that silenced the pub, so that the whole place heard him follow it up with "Yous can take yer sussies and saggy auld tits an fook right off ya dirty bitch!"

She burst into tears and fled the pub. 'Course by then everyone was wiping their eyes.
(foxbean i am a one in ten, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 23:50, Reply)