Victor - Pub Mentalist
Don't know why this story occurs to me, maybe I like to relive the bad times. It's less of an anecdote than a ramble. Apologies for length/unfunny/cringiness in advance, but I'm guilty of at least two of these issues on a daily basis. Apologies also for excessive use of Parentheses as an attempted comic vehicle ayeeeeeee

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the Pub Mentalist - usually a random old bloke smelling of musty-something-or-other with a big poacher's coat on, looking for a wee bit of company while on his way to pissed up oblivion. Victor was one such, in a public house in my locality (Edinburgh town). I appear to be a magnet for such people, perhaps due to the fact that I have no qualms about standing in pubs on my own, either waiting for folk, or in Victor's case, watching some football after work.

It all starts fine, old Vic shuffles up and gives me a bit of chat about his family (the wife has left, and though it goes unsaid, probably due to drinking habits) and then an inevitable tirade of advice about how to live life to the full ensues (he was more of a preacher than a practicer it must be said) - see the world, keep in touch with old friends etc.

Now, it's an odd mix of students looking for cheap beer and weird old guys in this pub (as it's near the Uni), but they usually keep nicely separate. Apart from at the bar, where I was standing. One student (a very handsome young lady, it did not escape my notice) comes up to order her Malibu and pineapple* and is forced to squeeze past Victor. His eyes narrow to focus through his besozzlement, and he whispers** sweetly in her ear.

"I'd love to be with you"

Now, maybe this would sound good from Brad Pitt to a groupie? But from Victor, I died a little inside. She gave a perfunctory "ehhhh, no thanks" and ran away, and I was forced to pick up the pieces as Victor tried to rally himself.

Personally, I wrote down his words of love to use at a future time. They've never worked. Could be me? Doubt very much that it's the diamond banter.




*note: may not have been malibu and pineapple, my misogny takes over sometimes
** note: bellows
(donuts saw Gordon Gekko raking through the bins on, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 13:20, Reply)