Southern Comfort is bad for you
I have to admit before even starting that this story isn't about pubs so much as it is about drink itself - specifically the evil that is Southern Comfort. This happened last night and I can only remember the night in a series of flashbacks (numbered appropriately)

1) Halfway through the bottle, being attacked by my mother with slippers. Funny as fuck.

2) Not a flashback, but apparently after watching TV for a while, my stomach erupted its entire contents into the kitchen sink (I DO NOT recall this). I fall over. Get shoo-ed to bed.

3) Sneak out of house wearing a suit (I still don't know why) to go to ASDA (I was by then feeling peckish) for an assortment of duck rolls and chicken tikka pasties (Fucking disgusting. I just wanted to see what they were like. Still ate them, though).

4) Get a taxi to Chester (5-6 miles away), realise it's about 2am and that there are no boozers open. Inexplicably sneak into the Crowne Plaza hotel and get trapped in a lift, having to prize the doors open (Twice, I took the same lift back down to the lobby).

5) Taxi home. Locked out. Break into back garden and try to sleep in the rickety garden shed, which has both windows smashed in, perched between a broken patio seat and a bicycle, listening to Springsteen's new album on me iPod.

6) Realise this is a bad idea. Look for hotels in the local area (worse idea). Only one I found was fully booked and they directed me to another, 4 miles walking distance (actually, probably 6 - I spent half an hour walking the wrong way) that didn't even exist.

7) Walk 2 miles towards home. Buy a newspaper, get bus back to town. Enter (now unlocked) house, go to bed, put Welsh radio on (thinking that I could somehow understand the language and wonder why they are going on about Ostriches and Trousers). Pass out.

I wasn't even that drunk. Only this morning did I realise this is why I banned myself from drinking it about two years ago. It turns me into a mental.
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 16:22, 4 replies)

You
should have tried to get into Magowan's/Legends/the Winebar (Depending on how old you were)! I managed to get a lock in there once with my crazy mate once after he;d pulled a whale, great night!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Fri 6 Feb 2009, 16:36, closed)

I have no idea where they are!
And it was only thr other night, so I'm only a couple of days older now than I was at the time :P
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sat 7 Feb 2009, 10:02, closed)

same deal here
southern comfort was responsible for me getting kicked out of a club for grabbing and snogging a random indian girl, boking on the sofas, then had to spend 4 hours sitting outside in the cold (november) in a tee shirt waiting for my mates. oh and i passed out in a kebab shop and got thrown out onto the road on my face. happy days.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 10:18, closed)

Pfft!
It's only 35% as well. I shudder to think what they put in there.
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 17:00, closed)