this is one of mine
don't know if any of you are from REading, but i spent a night abusing the cocktails in the purple turtle a couple days before new years one year with some friends. this is a pearoast BTW if it sounds familiar, i simply have more time to tell the full tale now.
i basically drank a bit of EVERYTHING, at which point some bright spark suggested going next door to the fez club... this place does CHEAP double vodka with mixers for £2

after that, things are somewhat of a blur. i apparetly slid down a concrete/metal staircase on my arse. i ALLEGEDLY called some blonde girl a whore then asked for a quickie.
i then left, wandering home with my mate, whooping and running about pretending to be a plane. i rugby tackled a bin off it's concrete base. i then decided that on no account was i to go home without purchasing chicken in inhuman quantities, BUT i was WAY too drunk to order, and instead settled for lying on the floor of the chicken shop, laughing like a hyena, and banging on the counter while my veggie mate tried to guess at what i wanted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wavey lines indicating blank period~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


i wake up. it's about 9am, and a small but fierce animal is burrowing round in my skull.
rubbing my face i become aware i'm coated in some kind of green slime. is this some alien menace i wonder? what could have befallen me? the sore arse could hint at some kind of cartman-esque anal probe. as the room comes into shakey focus, i realise i am stark.bollock.naked. EXCEPT for a studded jack daniels belt and socks. the light is on, the door is open, and i am on top of the duvet.
there is the pulverised remains of a large avocado in my right hand.

wandering through the lounge past the sleeping bodies of my mate and his two friends i vaguely remembered, (obviously now better attired) to the toilet i see the christmas tree is broken and de-baubled. there is stuff all over the kitchen floor where two drawers have been emptied frantically. what the fuck has been going on i ask myself?

entering the toilet, i see a pile of my clothes. my entire outfit from the night, neatly piled in front of the shitter. including a pair of converse chuck t's, wit the laces cut all the way down (and one of the tongues) and a pair of scissors.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wavey lines~~~~~~~~~~~

my friends reliably tell me i got in, started a fight with the christmas tree, chucked some drawers about, boked in the garden whilst singing, then went to the toilet, got bollock naked apart from socks and a belt, wandered back through, inot my room past the horrified new mates, came back out accusing everyone of leaving an alien in my bed (the avocado) headbutted the shit out of it, (the green slime) then went back in and passed out.




the best bit was climbing inot bed that night to find that i'd managed to be violently, and colourfully sick UNDER the duvet.



happy days.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 9:36, 5 replies)

I'm from Thatcham...

...Last time I went there, one of my friends gave £20 to a tramp and hugged his dog, and the other I had to pull by his wrists face down past the Pitcher & Piano and a load of five-0 just to get him on said train. I left them on the train to Newbury...
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 11:25, closed)

this
win
*clicks*
(braindrop, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 11:28, closed)

i stil can't believe
i was so drunk i cut my way out of my shoes.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 12:43, closed)

Shake my hand sir
Bloody good night. I have friends in Reading who frequent the same pubs - they seem to attract the horrific consequences of being drunk :P
(p-arran-oid prolapsed here, Sun 8 Feb 2009, 17:34, closed)

(blink)
Studded socks ?

Sound pretty funkeh actually
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Wed 11 Feb 2009, 16:10, closed)