You never forget the first time

I once had a girlfriend, a girl who has appeared in these annals under the monicker "Batshit Mentalist" on many occasions. Naturally, I didn't think she was a stone-bonker when I first started seeing her; in fact she was perfection personified: warm, kind, articulate, witty, and shagged like a steam train on steroids. I really thought I had it made.

I remember very clearly the first time the other side of her made an appearance. I was standing stunned as she screamed and ranted, veins bulging in her forehead and rabid spittle collecting in the corners of her mouth. Eventually, having redistributed the furniture around the room, and run out of objects and invective to hurl at me, she stormed out and disappeared. I was left, open mouthed, as was her best friend who happened to be there at the time.

My crime, you ask? What heinous misdemeanour had led to this near-meltdown? Had I violated the still-warm corpse of her mother? Boiled the family rabbit and served it in a bernaise sauce? Sold her firstborn on the internet?

No. Apparently, I'd cut the vegetables at the wrong angle.

.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 13:25, 10 replies)

You MONSTER!
*Clickies*
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 2 Oct 2013, 13:28, closed)

sometimes this happens
monthly
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 13:37, closed)

who can blaime her you terrible cunt

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 13:48, closed)

When Mrs Duck was pregnant
she briefly turned into a "Batshit Mentalist"

one day she bollocked me for opening the front door in a smug way

Accused me of being a work shy slacker when I had spent the whole day tiling the kitchen floor and walls from 9am to 10pm
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 13:52, closed)

13 hours?
Slacker!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 14:02, closed)

And she said it was shit*
*it was I'm like a mong with oven gloves on when it comes to DIY
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:50, closed)

you know workboresme?

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 14:47, closed)

Fuck sake. I think I've been out with her as well.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 2 Oct 2013, 15:03, closed)

I think I was married to her for a while... O_o

( skullfunkerry In case of implosion do not look into implosion, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 21:31, closed)

As many others have stated....
I too believe I was seeing this woman for a while.
I'd just got in from work one day, and was immediately asked to do the hoovering. I said that just as soon as The Simpsons had finished that I would do it.
...and then the onslaught began. She kicked a door through, smashed things, threw things around the kitchen, made the kids cry, spat pure venom from her mouth, told me that our second child 'may not be yours', let the tyres down on my car, then called the police (who, oddly, instead of telling her to do one, actually turned up at the house).
Mentals.
(dchurch bah, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:01, closed)