Hucknall's Hypothesis
When I was much younger and much more impressionable, I used to read FHM. In one edition there was an interview with Mick Hucknall, he of the ginger hair and amazing luck with da ladeez, where he regaled the interviewer of a test to see if you were gay or not.

Basically, this happens:

You and a male friend find a secluded spot, get your keks off, sit down and reach over to touch each other's manhood.

If either of you get an erection in this situation, then you're a gayer. Stay more flaccid than an album by The Feeling and you're a full blown member of the hetero brotherhood.

Now, I've said I was impressionable. Being a teenager was a mad time for me and still had a lot of questions about myself even past the age of 16.

So for some reason I found myself suggested testing the Hucknall Hypothesis with another sexually confused friend from college. For some reason, he was intrigued and willing to have a go.

And lo, two days after the suggestion was made and after a few snifters of strong cider, me and my mate put into practice the Simply Red Scenario.

Keks down, we both reached over. Well fuck me if my cock didn't shrivel to peanut-like proportions. My friend on the other hand seemed to take to the whole idea and his porksword proudly arose from it's dormant state.

Did I use this as blackmail? Yes.

However, how on earth would I use this? Picture this situation...

Me: "Fred's a gay"
Mate: "What?"
Me: "He likes to touch cock"
Mate: "How do you know this?"
Me: "Well, last week at my house I let him touch mine after reading something Mick Hucknall suggested..."

Etc. Etc.

It turned out that 'Fred' was gay. I like to think I played some part in that. Me? Well 13 years later and more sexually repressed than the army general in American Beauty...
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sat 14 Mar 2009, 22:05, Reply)