This tale was relayed to me by um, an associate of mine.
I was staying in a hotel as I was on a business trip near the delightful Tunbridge upon Wells. It was a normal chain hotel. I was on my own, so I ordered room service and a couple of beers. Then a bottle of wine. Then, I can only assume judging from the evidence, about six pints of orange juice, an omelette, and a raw pig.

I passed out. I awoke to find myself with a dirty hangover and a raging, urine engorged bonk on. I then fought the battle in my head that all men do in this situation. Do I go for a wee, then come back and have a leisurely wank? Yes, of course. That’s the sensible solution. Hang on. Big problem. I *literally* can’t be bothered to get up. Why not do it the other way around and ignore the nagging bladder sensation?

The mental battle raged for a good few minutes all the while my body had already won and I was not so subtly manipulating myself with my crabby hands. I tossed the sheets off to be completely open to the air. This proved to be a bad move as the sudden exposure to the air shocked my despoiled body. To my horror, my alcohol ravaged senses had betrayed me, and I really really needed to go to the toilet, much more than previous sensory reports had led me to believe.

As I tugged and thought of Miley, urine fountained out of my glistening urethra, sparkled momentarily in the morning air, then rained down on my bewildered and crusty face. I was paralysed. It kept on coming. I smelt the oaty, musty, acrid liquid that was now covering my chest and face. My nostrils started to fill up. I was going to drown in my own piss in a hotel bedroom! It was this thought that broke my paralysis and I rolled over and off the bed to the toilet, peeing from my distended girder as I shambled, like some perverted stop motion garden gnome.

However, this is now a regular feature of my horseplay.

Rubber bed sheets FTW!
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 11:17, 5 replies)

Will everyone stop gazzing me please
I am not into this sort of thing really and I won't come round your house and hose you down, ok?
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 17:58, closed)

And to think
I've just become a fan of yours.

o_0




Did make me laugh though.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 11:52, closed)

Aww
Don't be like that :-( It's not even true. I have never even been to Tunbridge.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 13:15, closed)

Aww!
And there was me thinking it was true because it's on the internet and in qotw.

My illusions - all shattered.


;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Mar 2009, 20:22, closed)

Utterly brilliant
This is what QOTW is all about, class, quality and piss.
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 2:49, closed)