The war.
Our tale begins in a club in Liverpool, where I asked my friend to hold my pint while I went to the toilet. I returned and drank my pint, enjoying the subtle play of the bubbles on my tongue, whilst my friends enjoyed a hilarious joke. Upon finishing my beer, I was informed that my cheeky rapscallion friend Rick (name changed to save my life) had submerged his nether regions in my lovely beer that was now sloshing around in my belly. I was not amused to be perfectly honest, and silently vowed revenge on the little scrote.

Months passed, but I did not forget the injustice doled to me on that fateful night (quite a feat as I was fucking leathered). Until one drinking session where I saw my opportunity, yoinked out a few pubes, and dropped them in his pint. He quaffed his ale, and was confronted by two ginger short'n'curlies. 1-1, and we both have our honour intact.

Until the next day, when I am vomiting my own arsehole out of my mouth, and my deceptive foe sneaks away with my mobile, and does various vile deeds with it. He then leaves it a week before sending the pictures of my phone in his arsecrack to me. This was a step too far. My girlfriend had used my phone in the intervening week, and thus retribution was needed.

The time soon came for Rick to leave these green and pleasant lands to fight for Queen and country in Iraq. He'd acquired a fair bit of kit to pass the time over there, including a DS Lite, which I think was fairly new at the time. Cogs turned, and I devised a plan. Rick was staying at my house, and when he went off to have a shower I sprang in to action, stealthily rummaged through his belongings, and played his DS with my knob. I got the screen and the buttons, nothing was left to chance. A technical fault meant I was unable to capture the act for posterity with my camera, and time was of the essence, so I quickly replaced the DS and went about my business.

The next step was to wait. I wanted him to savour his games console, to enjoy it, and most of all to rub his fingers all over the screen getting my cocksweat all over them. After six long months he returned, with tales of unexploded shells and near misses. I told him of my diabolical work over a coffee.
"That's not my DS, I borrowed it off my friend."
I had slathered my non-sexual secretions and general smegma all over a stranger's DS. I felt terrible for two reasons. Firstly, it was a bit harsh. Secondly, the friend was a 6'5" squaddie, who could knock me out with his eyelid. We agreed a truce soon after in order to protect the innocent.

(Although Rick's sister did put her face right up to the DS screen whilst playing Zelda, so my strike didn't miss completely)
(Dowbocop, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 18:45, 1 reply)

playing GTA Chinatown Wars as I am ready this...
*sniffs DS*

Nope, smells of my cock only, proceed :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 16 Mar 2009, 19:00, closed)