My mate Misery Dave.
Life and soul of the party but bad things just seem to happen around him mainly due to his dodgy eyesight.

One holiday somewhere warm and very foreign he was snorkelling quite a way out to sea when he catches a glimpse of a fin in the distance. As he's a powerful swimmer he double-times it back to shore where there's the typical mass of children paddling around. Grabbing as many as he can he manhandles them onto the shore wearing his flippers and goggles shouting,"Shark! Shark!"

He then proceeds to evacuate as many children as possible from the sea to the confused protestation of the natives who clearly couldn't understand a word of his gibbering whilst waving his arms out to sea.

Shortly someone who could speak english approaches him and revealed,"It's a dolphin."
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Thu 20 Dec 2012, 16:01, Reply)