Complaining as an Art-Form
Just last week I sent a long, snotty e-mail to a jobsworth who had decided to cancel a group booking for his comedy club. Here's a little sample:

"...I also find your comments regarding the performers being 'embarrassed' by having a large party in the room to be unfounded and frankly ridiculous. It is a nonsense to suggest this as a reason for rejecting a booking - I know of no performer who would be 'embarrassed' to have a full house at one of their shows. I can only assume, therefore, that the acts you have booked are so devastatingly, relentlessly average that they can't stand the sound of tumbleweed echoing through the bar when one of their ill-thought out skits falls flat on its face for the hundredth time. Assuming I have overstated the case (which I suspect), it's also a nonsense to suggest that we would be embarrassed to take up the majority of your seats. Do you assume that because we come from an office that we are unable to laugh at jokes? Is there some kind of universal law that I don't know about which states people on a works do are unable to laugh?

I do not believe that your reasons for rejecting our booking hold water. Furthermore, to inform me of your decision 6 days (or rather, four working days before the event) is so far away from incompetence that you can't even see incompetence from where you're stood. Your organisation has now effectively destroyed a night out that has been meticulously planned out and now leaves my colleagues and I with very little time to organise a suitable replacement. The blame for this is laid squarely at your feet, and I would suggest that it would be your responsibility to suggest an alternate venue for us, were it not for the fact that I suspect you'd be reticent to give business to your competitors while recklessly turning it away yourselves. Talking of which, we would have put £1,000 behind your bar to keep our staff lubricated for the evening, it appears that this sum of money is paltry in comparison the millions you no doubt rake in on these world famous comedy nights..."

So come on. Complaining is fun - tell us your best complaints and what you got in return!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 17:01, 3 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

I work in customer service
I've heard enough complaining to last me a lifetime
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 23:25, Reply)

I understand that...
But I'm thinking about artful complaints, not just 'you're all a bunch of arses!'

I have worked in Customer Service too (and, to a certain extent, still do), so I know what you mean...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 11:37, Reply)

I thought it read 'Ant Farm'
which would be more original.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Sat 22 Mar 2008, 17:47, Reply)