Neighbours
I fucking hate them. They play music all night and day, throw parties whenever the mood strikes, and are constantly doing DIY throughout their house, keeping me, my fiancee and my baby awake all night and day. They won't answer their door to us but will happily go galivanting around outside at stupid o'clocl in the morning, before hastily retreating as we open our door to talk to them.

How do you deal with yours?
( Kyazrael Juan, two, three, floor?, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 5:29, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

A mad woman used to inhabit the flat below. She would sing a badly off key version of "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" at 2 or 3 in the morning! Aaargh!

The couple who lived there before were worse in some ways. Knocking on my door and screaming at me for "Making all that fucking noise decorating whilst decent people were trying to sleep". I took pleasure in confirming that it was actually 11 in the morning not at night!!

A mad Scottish couple lived two floor below (they have now moved Yippee!!) They used to complain about everything. Most conversations consisted of various combinations of the following phrases: "Och! The noise", "the smell", " they were screamin', screamin' I tell ye!".

June, the lady of the mad Scottish couple was the worst. Her imagination was vivid... Some time ago I was washing my car and as I was carrying two buckets of water downstairs I slopped a small quantity near her doorstep. The sponge and wash leather was downstairs in the boot of my car and so I made a mental note to bring the sponge upstairs later and mop the water up.

Just as I completed washing and polishing my car June appeared out of nowhere. She screamed "You know that bloody junkie who lives next door to me?", I nodded nervously. "Ye'll never guess what he's gone and done?", another nod from me and an anguished scream from June "He's only gone and pissed on my doorstep!!!!"

I was about to explain that it was plain water, when she cried "... and it stinks, it stinks!!" Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse she continued "Do you know what I did?" Without pausing or waiting for an answer she then shouted "I went right up to his letterbox and I shouted through it "Don't fucken piss on my doorstep ya bastard!!""

Alas I was to fall foul of the same mad couple some years later when they accused me of whacking their Fraud Mundane (I mean Ford Mondeo) with my Land Rover. It got rather crazy with them ignoring me & the Mrs or treating us to a "harrumph". Eventaully my insurers (much against my wishes) caved in and settled the claim as they reckoned a court case would be long and expensive.

Justice was however, served a few weeks later when a motorcyclist crashed into their parked Mondeo leaving nice handlebar marks right down one side...!!!
( Vambo, Sun 6 Dec 2009, 21:10, Reply)