Caught (nearly) by the fuzz?
Have you ever had a close run-in with the law?

When I was about 19, me and my best mate thought it would be a cracking idea to drop some acid and hit the SEGA arcade at the Trocadero in Picadilly Circus, with the sole intention of playing 8 player Daytona Racing whilst rushing our tits off. That all went swimmingly well, however...

In search of a little respite from the noise and mayhem we decided to wander down the road to Green Park to take the edge off. As we ambled accross the grass looking for an especially nice place to sit down, something on the ground caught my eye. I sank to my knees to get a closer look. "Shit, come and check this out man". A simple but immaculate hallmarked silver pocket watch now rested in my hands. My mate joined me. On his knees. In a patch of daisies in the middle of Green Park. We were just marvelling at the crafsmanship when a voice called out from nearby "Lost gold's gotta be shared boys!". Startled, we both turned to where the voice was coming from.

A big fucking police Transit van. With a big fucking policeman in it. In the middle of Green Park.

Instinctively (for, despite the occasional dabble in recreational drugs, I was quite a good boy) I rose to my feet and headed straight for the van, arms outstretched, pupils dilated, heart racing, pocket watch in my sweaty palms. My mate followed.

A lot of things went through my mind on that long walk to the van, not least what my parents might say when they got a call from the London Borough of Westminster Police Force.

As it turns out, big fucking policeman was a jolly fellow and was content with taking my details, and the pocket watch, while I tripped out looking at his colossal forearm hanging out the window, hairs blowing gently in the late summer evening breeze like a field of golden wheat. In the meantime my mate was pacing the length of the transit van, praising big fucking policeman for how big and shiny it was.

A couple of weeks later I got a lovely letter in broken English from a nice Japanese man, thanking me at length for having the decency to hand his pocket watch over to the authorities. If only he knew...
(ZeroG, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)