I gotta get out of this place
No malice intended...

The circumstances of my marriage break up are fairly well documented. However, for 6 months, we continued to share the same living space, which was pretty nightmarish for me. Regularly seeing my ex-but-still-wife heading off on a regular basis to see her new bloke, leaving me rattling around in a three bedroomed house and bouncing off the walls took it's toll a bit.

You may ask, "why didn't the silly sod just move out"? Well, the simple answer was that she was supposed to be the one moving out, but was having trouble finding somewhere. Plus, my salary wasn't fantastic (about £16k at the time), and finding somewhere affordable wasn't an easy task. And, if I'm being honest, I had hoped that she would change her mind about things. And there was a lot of other stuff flying about, that I've covered before and I'm not going to go back into detail about it.

However, one evening she had a viewing, and I offered to go with her. We went to see this flat, which was very nice, but it transpired that it just needed far too much work done to it. She was deflated, and I suggested that there were still a couple of estate agents open so why don't we go and have a look to see if there was anything else that might be promising? She agreed, and off we trotted down the street.

Stopping to look in one window, I caught a glimpse of the property to rent and spied a one bedroomed flat on the main street. An apparent bargain at £200 a month. So I went in to enquire about it. As it happened, the flat was only a couple of doors away from the estate agent, so I asked for a look around.

Cut a long story short, the next day I popped in with my deposit and an agreement to move in in two weeks. Come the day I got my keys, I started the task of moving my stuff, bit by bit, ordering furniture and giving the place a lick of paint. Moving the stuff was a bit arduous, done as it was in a mark 2 Nissan Micra - not the largest of cars, but I managed. On the Friday my bed was delivered, and so I could move in properly (I was still sleeping in the marital home).

Friday morning, as she was getting ready for work, I caught her looking at me with a melancholy expression. I asked her what was up. She responded by bursting into tears and sobbing "I don't want you to go".

I was slightly taken aback at this explosion of grief. A bit stunned, I asked her why.

"It's just that I'll really miss you and I can't imagine you not being here".

Pointing out to her that all she had to do to get me to stay was to dump her bloke (why she was with him I don't know, she always seemed to complain that he was completely irrational at times and really pissed her off), and try to make another stab at things. Her reaction being that she still didn't know how she felt and was totally confused.

"Exactly", I said, "and while I'm still here, you'll remain confused and meanwhile I'll continue my slow descent into the rubber room as I watch you being here, but not being with me. So at least if I move out, it'll give us both space, and give you a chance to decide how you really feel".

And so, I moved into my new bachelor pad whilst the missus dithered. The space certainly gave me a new perspective on things, even if I was never truly settled there. It also gave the missus some thinking time. Unfortunately for me, she didn't reach the conclusion that I was hoping for at the time, and 18 months later we divorced (instigated by me, and on the basis that we'd been apart two years and therefore could do it amicably and without having to resort to to nasty name calling or citing any particular reasons in court). She was a bit peeved when I asked for our marriage certificate so I could instigate proceedings, but as I pointed out, I didn't want to stay married to someone who patently didn't want me to be a husband. Plus, I'd recently met Tourette's and my life was heading in a different direction.

I've veered over the years from outright despair over the situation, to rage, to regret, and back to rage again. However, now, I'm completely at ease with myself over it. And life's too short to bear any grudges. My ex would concur with that, I think - especially as she has, at best, a couple of years to live. Hence, no malice intended.

Apologies for length. But the best thing I ever did was quit that house, if only for the sake of my own sanity and self preservation.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 May 2008, 16:03, 8 replies)

Well done DG
you ARE the better person in this story ... sounds like she wanted you around as some kind of fall-back. That's a lousy way to be treated, yet you bear no malice.

*clickyhugs*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 27 May 2008, 17:09, closed)

Like I said, life's too short
It wasn't an easy situation, least of all for me. But, looking back I think we were both trying to hang onto something that in the end was best left to dwindle away. We remained on reasonably good terms, although her (new) bloke took a dislike to that. So the friendship we managed to hang onto kind of fizzled out on her part.

On reflection, I got the better deal, mainly because I'm not harbouring a whopping great incurable brain tumour that could kill me at any given moment. (That isn't meant to sound anything other than reflective - I'm just glad it's not me that will have to pick up the pieces).
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 27 May 2008, 17:26, closed)

Bravo
I've been in a similar situation and somehow seeing that somebody else has, has cheered me up a bit.
(lochii, Tue 27 May 2008, 22:36, closed)

Click click
Well done sir.
(RickGrimes Quite frankly, disappointed on, Wed 28 May 2008, 11:03, closed)

Almost Snap
Christ m8 this rings so many bells as the situation i'm going through myself only difference is that she has just moved out and things are getting better although there are still the bad dark days as well

Still good to hear there is life after etc
(Scoobiedoo79, Wed 28 May 2008, 12:50, closed)

Cheers for the kind words
Looking back I probably would have taken a different stance on things - like changing the locks on the house, for instance, when I found out about the other bloke. However, I'm far too nice for my own good sometimes and it probably would have descended into something downright nasty.

At least this way I've come out the other end a bit older and wiser, and with the love of a good woman to boot! So yes, there's always light at the end of the tunnel. It's just that sometimes, the tunnel can be quite long.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 28 May 2008, 15:31, closed)

How does that song go?
If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.....

At least you've had me to fall back on for the last five years!

xxx
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 29 May 2008, 0:12, closed)

My love...
The years I had were just the journey I had to endure before I found you.

You mean the world to me, which is why I'm going to marry you.

And apologies for the sloppyness, but I don't care one jot. Nyer.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 29 May 2008, 1:37, closed)