Job duration = 0
After the car delivery job I applied to work for a huge parcel delivery company named after a type of explosive.

I attended the interview and everything went well. Three days later I recieve the letter 'Dear Mr O'Ryleh, We are pleased to inform you..blah de blah... come in Friday for orientation. Love, Parcel-delivery-company-named-after-a-type-of-explosive'.
'Sweet!' thinks I...

At orientation we are shown the usual videos about company history and safety videos showing huge and tragic potential conveyor belt injuries, we sign our 5 million contracts and waivers and then we're told about the random drug testing.

'I begs your pardon?' says I
'Every week, 5 employees selected at random will be urine tested for illegal drugs'
'That's no good, I quit'
'B-b-beg your pardon? Why?'
'I take drugs. sorry'

And so it was that my shortest ever employment lasted exactly nought units of time.
(Ktulu O'Ryleh float like a turd, sting like chlamydia, Wed 28 May 2008, 0:37, 5 replies)

thats right
stick it to the man!

yee haw
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Wed 28 May 2008, 2:14, closed)

Ever thought of...
... giving up drugs and getting a proper job?

Just a thought.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Wed 28 May 2008, 14:38, closed)

Ever thought
of not stopping doing things you like to do just so someone else will accept you more?

Just a thou...oh wait you already do that.
(Hippo_of_Doom, Wed 28 May 2008, 18:11, closed)

@ Eurosong
I've got a proper job ta. The above incident was nearly ten years ago. I sorted my act out, did an apprenticeship and continued to take large amounts of drugs. Now I am sort of considering giving up drugs but I have to finish this spliff first.
(Ktulu O'Ryleh float like a turd, sting like chlamydia, Wed 28 May 2008, 18:39, closed)

Virtue
I actually *don't* do drugs - alcohol is too pleasant and freely available - but I once went for a call centre job taking complaints about faulty parking meters. They advised me that as part of the *interview process* I would need to submit to a urine test. "Before you even get the job?" I asked. Yes, they said.

They didn't offer me the second interview. I often wonder what I would have said to them. Would I have been a have-a-go hero like the poster above ("sorry, I'm snorting coke out of the bottom of an Afghan boy right now") or would I have made up some bullshit excuse about accepting another job? Nowadays I'd pull out the Afghan boy line, but back then I didn't have as much experience.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Thu 29 May 2008, 15:10, closed)