"By the end of this semester, we will have to use the extinguisher at least once. Don't let it be because of you."
Thus were the words of my teaching chef when starting the "meats and main courses" section of my culinary school experience. I attempted to heed them well, because our teaching kitchen consisted of the equivalent of a walk-in closet packed with enough open flame, scalding oil, and heated metal to easily cause anyone's demise. It was a "teaching kitchen," after all, so they didn't even bother having it up to the building/health/safety codes for actual restaurant work.

Unfortunately, my class was the one that wound up having to use the fire extinguisher.

Fortunately, I wasn't the one who wound up setting the ceiling on fire.

Now as you may know, seafood in lemon-butter sauce is a classic dish. It is made by taking lemon juice, wine, and herbs and heating them in a sauce pan, before then adding in massive quantities of butter until the cholesterol is thick enough to cause the sauce itself to congeal into a thin paste of deliciousness. It is made this way because as any deep-fat fryer demonstrates, fats don't boil - they just keep on heating until they smoke, and then later on burst into flame. Water and anything with water IN it, however, does. So if you instead do the sauce-making process in reverse, like my fellow classmate decided to do...

Large amounts of grease go in the pan. Pan is heated on burner flame for a few minutes, before water-based liquids are added. Water instantly flash-boils, spraying superheated grease everywhere. Classmate screams, drops pan into burner flame. Large amounts of grease splash upwards, while burner flame spreads to it.

Result: One very impressive pillar of angry orange inferno reaching from the tabletop "porto-range" straight up to the corkboard drop ceiling (did I mention the room didn't fulfill kitchen building codes?), which looked for all intents and purposes like it should be asking for Charlton Heston in regards to some forgotten commandments. Quite large. Rather awe-inspiring. Very holy hell the room's on fire! Class was surprisingly short that day. Louder than usual, too.

I'm still in the same classes with these walking deathtraps, though. What can I say? Everyone who wants to be a chef is a latent pyromaniac. Scorches are still there, too.

At least we're leaving our mark on the school.
(Drakkenmaw, Sat 22 Jul 2006, 21:21, Reply)