In the last year of school, some twonk started spreading rumours about me.
This pissed me off a little, so I came up with a plan - a cunning, horribly un-subtle plan.

I sent a letter to him via the school register, which said he'd been suspended from school for shit grades. I used the school letter-head, and a printed copy of the headteacher's signature for authenticity. I told him that the suspension would last 2 weeks, or until futher notice.

The fool actually stayed off school for 8 days before he got a phone call from school, accusing him of truancy. He got absolutely bollocked - and I was pleased.
(Market Man, Fri 14 May 2004, 15:57, Reply)