Again, not me, but a friend of my parents' . . .
This guy was a friendly sort, and quite often entertained neighbours at his house. He cottoned on to the fact that one particular couple were stealing his fresh fruit and, for some reason, his toilet paper. So he injected the fruit with laxatives and wiped the contents of a few jalapeno peppers down the centre of an entire bog roll.

Apparently they carried on stealing both items for ages. He didn't mind.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Fri 14 May 2004, 18:24, Reply)