How to mean "fuck off" without actually saying it.
Right, here's one.

I had quite a nasty car accident a couple of years ago - photos etc here.

Luckily, apart from minor injuries, the other driver and I were pretty much okay. His passenger though needed medical attention, so I phoned an ambulance. As you can see, my car ended up blocking the road at a jaunty angle, so I asked for the police as well.

A while later, we're all standing around looking shocked and dazed, there's a police car, an ambulance, a bloody-faced guy on a stretcher, a paramedic trying (unsuccessfully) to convince me that they should send another ambulance for me, bits of car all over the place, and a woman walks up to the lone attending policeman.

Turns out she was from the nearest house. Had she come to offer an eyewitness account, or see if there was anything we needed, such as a cup of tea?

Had she bollocks. She strode straight up to the copper, and said "I heard there'd been an accident. I'm just making sure that my fence hasn't been damaged".

My car was the nearest one to the fence, a good 20 feet away. While she was speaking to him, she was trying to get past to physically check that nothing had damaged her property.

I can't actually remember what the copper said, but it was along the lines of "As you can see madam your fence is fine now will you please leave" - delivered utterly politely, but in a voice so icy that I'm surprised she didn't get frostbite. What a star.

Thanks for your time =)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 16 Oct 2006, 14:26, Reply)