Tottenham's finest
A few years ago I was living in Tottenham and one day was driving home. Now I'm not an aggressive person (at least not actively) but I do hate sports car drivers who try to own the road by cutting you up. Fair enough if you overtake, but if you cut up then you're just being a cunt. I often like to do one over them by overtaking them (or sometimes undertaking) just to piss them off, as I drive a Peugeot 106 which is pretty nifty on a city road.

Anyway as I was driving down Lordship Lane this complete twunt in some rollerskate of a sports car starts getting argy-bargy and tries to cut me up. I let him in but at the next lights were both on the front row. I look over at him and it's some 'homie' with some naff jewelry, token bimbo and said sports car. Well it's game on, and as the lights go off we both floor it wanting to get the advantage.

Unfortunately for the other guy the road layout meant that the right hand lane had to merge into the left as the road became single carriage. So after a few seconds he was now driving fast in the WRONG LANE, and ever so shortly about to come up against traffic driving in the opposite direction.

Although I would have liked nothing better than to see this waste of space and almost certain criminal wiped off the face of the earth, there were potentially innocent people involved (i.e. the oncoming traffic) and I wouldn't be able to live with that. And he hadn't out run me so he had nowhere to go. In about three seconds he would be dead.

So basically I did the sensible thing and let in in front of me. In no way thankful that I had taken account of his stupidity and saved his life, the dude stops his car dead in front of me. This has the added effect of blocking all the traffic behind us, as he gets out to confront me.

Despite protestations from his bint (something along the lines of 'Leave it ahht!') he comes up to my window. Now I'm only too aware that I'm suddenly in a rather tricky situation. However I do have some understanding of how people work and there's only one way to defuse the situation.

I shot him.

Haha, no, not really. As he comes up to my car I wind down the window to save him breaking it. He starts shouting the obvious obscenities and look him directly in the eye with neither a scared or snide expression on my face - I'm just blank. Once he pauses for half a second, I simply say "Sorry". This throws him as he's obviously expecting an abusive response. He then says "Why the fuck did you do it then?"

Well I have to admit that for a split second I did think about telling him what a cock he was and how he owed me his life, but for some reason I thought the better of it. Again, with no expression I just replied "I don't know."

Again this threw him a bit, but then he regained his composure, swore, and then walked away and insulted me again just for good measure. He drove off and that was it.

By the time I got home I must have had about a pint of adrenaline in my system, but it's nothing that a bottle of vodka and a few spliffs couldn't solve.

Apologies for length but then it was probably bigger than his.
(Karlos the Marmoset this message may self destruct at, Tue 17 Oct 2006, 15:55, Reply)