Fucking Melksham
Forget Basingstoke, Swindon, Milton Keynes, Chatham, Stafford, Hull, Coventry, Gravesend, Andover, Westbury, Corby, Stockport, Dundee, or any other British hellhole. Even Trowbridge is (marginally) an improvement on fucking cunting shitting wanking bastard cunting felching arsing cunting fucking wanking pissing shitting cunting fucking Melksham.

maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&tab=wl

The definition of a Melksham virgin is an 11 year old girl who can out run her older brother.

The population of Melksham has the highest level of educationally sub normal people in the western hemisphere.

There are rumours that Dell are planning on launching the “Melksham keyboard” – specifically designed to enable residents to be able to type - with 6 fingers on each hand they struggle with standard keyboards (well the 4 residents that have mastered the ability to stand on their hind legs, read, write etc struggle - the rest of the population are too busy pointing in wonder at passing aeroplanes to go and get electricity connected to their mud huts).

99p stores won’t open a shop in Melksham because they think their brand is too upmarket for the place.

Rumour has it that one resident having recently been the first in the town to be introduced to the concept of money rather than bartering is planning on being the first person in the rancid spunkpit they call a town to get a mobile phone – he already thinks he has enough cash for the piece of string & is now hoping to have enough for the tin can by 2013.

I would rather live in the middle of a radioactive medical & chemical waste dump whilst being constantly arse-raped by a Aids ridden Baboon than go with 80 miles of fucking Melksham.
( lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:06, 11 replies)

*Click*
I like the rage you put across, made my smile cos it reminds me of how I feel about completely innocuous things that don't really matter cos they don't actually affect me. Eg. the band YouMeAtSix, I hate their guts, but it doesn't really matter.
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:16, closed)

Ah, Melksham
I live in Hilperton (IT'S NOT TROWBRIDGE!!) and think that Melksham is far, far worse than anywhere else around here.
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:17, closed)

My sister lives in Hilperton
I have tried to explain that she should move further away from Melksham before it taints her but she thinks she lives at a safe distance.
( lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:23, closed)

Sister, you say

( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:53, closed)

Yep.
And as I am not from the area there has been no inbreeding nor will there be as she's a minger!
( lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 17:00, closed)

My first car died in Melksham
I like to think it committed suicide after seeing the place.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:30, closed)

Not far from Melksham...
Potley. I nearly ended up living there. No thank you very much.

I used to frequent the Bear in Melksham when I was little. Yuk.
(Dregen, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:51, closed)

Melksham Tandoori
Does it still exist, or have the locals chased it off to Chippenham?
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 20:59, closed)

From our friends at wikipedia
Demography

Out-migration of the talented and most able people has left the town with an elderly and predominantly working-class population, but despite this, the town is still growing, with major new developments expanding in the Bowerhill/Hunter's Meadow district to the southeast.[citation needed]

Gotta love the first clause of the first sentence...
(nd1001 slamdunked my funk, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 22:36, closed)

Hunters Meadow -
Is where my boyfriend and I got run off the road by some massive fuckwit who then got out of his car and punched it as we drove off. Police took 6 fucking months to get back to me: they wrote my phone number down wrong, the man no longer owns said vehicle.

Riiiight.
(Dregen, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 23:40, closed)

Why the hate for Stafford?
Granted it's the least interesting county town in England and overloaded with estate agents but it's not as grim as, say, Havant.
(Big D, Sat 31 Oct 2009, 12:07, closed)