Like others in here, I once tried home brewing.
Only thing was, I had no idea what I was doing.

I knew that if you leave cider in the refrigerator too long it starts to get fizzy and ferment. I had had homebrewed cider before, and loved it. So I decided to try it.

There was a place where I could get beer that came in stoneware bottles with the ceramic top. I used to get it a lot as it was a favorite, and had a bunch of them empty. So I gave them a rinse, filled them with cider and stored them on a shelf in the stairway leading to the basement, and waited.

One afternoon I heard a sharp pop and a shrill screeching whistle, which was followed a moment later by a second pop and a screech. I ripped open the door and found two thin jets shooting across the stairwell. I grabbed them and popped them open to relieve the pressure, and was assaulted by a memorable stench like a mix of wine and vinegar. The lot went down the drain.

I buy my cider now.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 0:00, 4 replies)

while clearly your attempt was very professional and well-researched
I think I can spot a few flaws in your production process.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Fri 11 Nov 2011, 0:16, closed)

The funny part
was that the screech I heard was caused by the little rubber gasket being pushed out of place, then vibrating like a grass flute. It sounded just like the sound made by Roger Rabbit when fed a shot of whiskey.

Unfortunately it was followed by a similar screech from my wife.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 0:35, closed)

Takes me back...
I used to occaisionally brew with a mate until.... he decide to add a large heaped tablespoon of sugar to the bottles instead of a small teaspoon each after being very clearly told that it wouldn't make the beer more alcoholic, just blow the bottles. Then put all the bottles side-by-side in the spare bath.
About 2 weeks later at about 0300 "BANG, POP, SPLOOSH!!" 20 odd times.
John you 'kinidiot.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 4:44, closed)

I made homebrew a few times
as a youngster.

We discoved a usefull trick.

Temptation is, when it says add 1lb of sugar, to add 2lbs of sugar so it's stronger.

What we worked out was, yes it makes it stronger, but it tastes like shit.

So, when it says add 1lb of sugar, add 3/4 lb of sugar. It's not as strong, but it tastes better. You've got 40 pints of the stuff, so . . *magic* . . . you can have another one!
(username failed moderation, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:50, closed)