About a week before my 15th birthday...
I decided that it would be a good idea to try that cool 'standing on a chair and tipping it over backwards' thing.

There are several reasons why this was NOT a good idea:

1. The chair I decided to perform this trick on was short, squat, heavy, and basically designed to stop fuckwits like me tipping it over.

2. The chair also didn't have a seat. Just a frame. A heavy, badly welded, metal frame.

3. With sharp corners.

4. I am a BIG FAT FUCKING COWARD and chickened out halfway through.

I rather unsurprisingly landed badly, with a large chunk of my left shin missing. Bone showing through and everything. Being as I was at boarding school, I ran (well, hobbled would be a more accurate description) to Matron, who was far too addled on Xmas shandy (this was at the beginning of December) to be arsed taking me to the hospital.

So she sprayed some of that dry antiseptic stuff on it, and I was told "Leave it to dry in the air". Bitch.

Fast forward two weeks to Christmas holidays, my mother is rather interested in why my shin is septic. Cue trip to doctor, who tells us the leg should have had about 10 stitches, but it's now too late and I'll just have to take very strong antibiotics.

Oh, and did I mention a FUCKING PAINFUL tetanus shot?

I now have a 4 inch trench up my shin which looks very weird when I wear a skirt.

Don't send your kids to boarding school, especially if they are too fucking stupid to be left alone without injuring themselves.

Length is relative. I'm apologising for nothing.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 6 Feb 2005, 16:05, Reply)