My current ones are genreally alright,
but occasionally we hear a slam against the wall followed by a man shouting and a woman crying. It is most disconcerting, especially if you're trying to go to sleep.

My old neighbours were absolute nutters. We used to have a woman called Margaret who was quite nice apart from having the telly on so loud you could hear Fifteen-to-One through the walls.

Next door to her we had Bad Bob and Mad Sharon. They had a dog called Gizmo which would chase ice-cream vans. They also had a daughter who stepped on a kitten which my dad then drove to cat hospital (a fucking long way). One time Mad Sharon punched Margaret in the face on her doorstep. I never knew why. But my dad went out to break it up, and Sharon kept telling him she was going to hit him. My dad said, you can try. So Sharon said she would. And my dad said, go on. And she said, "no, I really am going to hit you." And my dad said "well, come on then." And Sharon went inside.

Margaret moved out after that. She was replaced by a family of Albanians. They didn't speak very good english, if at all, but at new year they played very loud polka music. This impressed me quite a lot. I could hear them dancing and on the beat they would shout "WHEYYY!". As far as I could tell it was a similar style of dance to the one used in Cottoneye Joe.

They had to move out too after they let the place out, even though it was a council house. They were replaced by a woman with seven children and an eighth on their way. I don't know what happened with them, but one time somebody else came and punched them in the face on the doorstep. I don't know, maybe the house was cursed or something. Her son is now in prison for the rape of Cushdy Chris, a man who lived across the street and let young boys smoke marijuana in his house. Somebody set fire to his couch and after that the whole thing was ruined. My neighbour's son took the fall for it on an utterly bollocks conviction of rape. I think he gets out next month.

So in short if you live next door to me, you're probably a complete nutter. Don't move to the east end. It's shit.

Reid
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 1:10, Reply)