Housewarming Party Leads to Realization of Neighbours’ Quirks
We live in a ground floor apartment. On one side, unattached, we have a lovely lady of about 60, who is civilized and polite. Above us, there’s a couple with two kids, and a couple of doors down, there’s a single Army guy.

Army Guy stands 5’ 2” and has that “little man” complex, which manifests itself in his driving a large, black Land Rover Discovery with blacked-out windows and massive alloys.

The nice couple upstairs comprises a woman who is very bubbly and a guy who’s a bit of a hippie.

My wife and I had a housewarming last week, and discovered that Hippie and Army Guy both have opposite and equally bad reactions to alcohol.

Army Guy made several inappropriate comments to my wife (e.g. “Will you take off all your clothes for twenty dollars?”), which she countered with withering put-downs. She used to work with brain-injured people, so had to use humour to defuse situations all the time. Clearly feeling that my wife should have been fazed by this, he then went on to make an extremely inappropriate comment to my stepson’s aunt when she and her husband were leaving (“Thanks for the panties!”), and when her mother took issue with his foul mouth, he protested, “I’m sorry! I didn’t realize she was your daughter!” He continued to get more drunk and belligerent as the night progressed.

Hippie Guy, also worse-for-wear, decided to defend Army Guy, which resulted in his being chucked out by his partner. He came bursting into our apartment, crying his eyes out and saying, “I’m sorry, man! I’m sorry, man!” to me, my wife, and all the assembled company. He was a complete wreck. My father-in-law offered to go and talk to his girlfriend, but came back half an hour later no closer to achieving a peaceful resolution. I went upstairs and talked to her for an hour, and thankfully, she relented and let him back in. He would have cried on our sofa all night long if she hadn’t.

The couple upstairs are OK, but Army Guy’s only pastime seems to be drinking very heavily, so we generally avoid him now.
(Nardis, Tue 30 Aug 2005, 19:15, Reply)