I now believe in the bastard that is karma.....
I have experienced instant karma in its rawest form after guffawing at one unfortunate individual....

I had been dragged round the shops by the now ex (thank shuddering fuck) mrs on a saturday afternoon as penance for an earlier indiscretion, the nature of which slips my mind.....probably eating crisps too loudly or some such triviality.....

She had arranged to meet her frankly quite stunning mate for few drinks and something to eat in a nameless 'trendy' bar chain (read lifeless shithole). I'm sat there, bored shitless oggling her mates tits whilst they pap on about shite. I have a few pints to take the edge off, food gets ordered and the bar starts getting busier.

The rather petite and blonde (thats the way I like 'em!) waitress caught my eye as she ambitiously carried a rake of plates loaded with food....our food to be precise. As she rounds the end of the bar, something unsettles her balance and several of the plates connect with the hard tiled floor...... a brief moment of silence ensued.....then some kind of instinctive force took hold of my vocal chords as I belted out a solo WHEYYYYY!!!!!! Grinning like a mong, I noticed that several fellow patrons were staring at me; the mrs and her mate had shuffled round to put some distance between us. She shot me a look that I knew was code for denial of entry into her special place. I felt bad...the waitress was very apologetic and I felt such a twat because she was a definite 9 out of 10'er.

The food was quickly replaced and the waitress apologised (again). As she turned to leave I asked her for some ketchup; she swiftly returned with a small glass vial containing the saucy goodness.

Now dear reader, this is where the tale takes its violent and shocking twist; as a person of experience with condiments, I know that ketchup by its viscous nature is difficult to pour from these ill thought out and badly designed vessels. As such I employed the tried and tested 'flick of the wrist' technique to get the sauce to the correct end of the bottle. What I had not banked on was the fact that the lid had not been screwed on. A sizeable arc rose though the air before reaching its apogee....as any physicist will relate to you....what goes up must come down....perfectly down my front as it happened. I looked like something out of a Tarrentino flick. All eyes were on me, for the second time and for all the wrong reasons again. 'Serves you right' cackled the mrs, the waitress looked over and gave me a knowing look.....
(tofer is sweating like a dyslexic on countdown......, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 21:32, 3 replies)

I'm going to click this
purely on the basis that you used the word 'apogee'.
(anvil, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 22:00, closed)

So does Data
in Star Trek, reckon he's the evil brother/clone?
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 22:33, closed)

that's quite unfortunate!
well deserved clicky
(Brain Licker Follow me, I'm right behind you., Thu 17 Dec 2009, 23:31, closed)