Dad
I apologise if this story applies to you, but twas told me by a now retired Sister in A&E. Yes it involves Bottoms....
Back in the day , The days of a bit of a wait in a&e ,you know-" the good old days",, there was a gaurdian of the department called the "Triage Nurse".
This nurse would screen people coming in, and put you in priority of waiting to be seen- ie-
1.Arm hanging off- straight through- priority one
2.bit pissed and mouthy- can wait a bit to see if sobers up- priority 2
3.a bit of a cold- sit and wait long time, hopefully will realise waste of time and go home.- priority 3.

Now the next to be called had been waiting 20 mins in the waiting room, looked fine, if a little anxious.- Now picture this chap- A young welsh Glyn from "Gavin and Stacey" would be closest.
Glyn was called through- and the conversation went thus-
Nurse:Hello , My name is Jill, what seems to be the problem?
Glyn:Errr
Nurse:It`s ok how can I Help??
Glynn:Can`t tell you..( in broad welsh accent)
Nurse: Honestly You can, we`re here to help.
Glynn:Noooo, Can`t tell you.
Nurse: why not??
Glynn:( in whisper) Too embaressing)
Nurse:Thats Ok , we get allsorts in here,now whats the problem??
Glynn:( in high pitched welsh accent squeak)- Noooo, can`t tell you, it`s too embaressing
Nurse:(exasperated) Right ,In that case Go and sit down gain, and when you can, come and tell me, we`ve got a full waiting room.

So for the next 4 hours Glynn sat in the waiting room. Occasionally Nurse Jill would look over and mouth" ready"- to which glynn would avoid eye contact, and mumble"nooo".

Eventually towards the early hours, and the department was cleared of the general Detritus of Drunks and casualties of life, Jill noticed Glynn still sitting there.
Nurse:- Look are you ready to tell us what the problem is??
Glynn- a movement, brief eye contact
Nurse: its ok
Glynn:It`s my, my fffather.
Nurse: your father ?/
Glynn:Yesss- (relieved in a broad welsh accent).
Nurse:What about your father??
Glynn:oooh I can`t tell you
Nurse: noo, Go on it`s fine
Glynn:He`s.... (mumble mumble mumble)
Nurse:What love I can`t hear you?
Glynn: (Gesturing with his hand-)Got a.. (Mumble mumble)(
Nurse: look ;love you`re going to have to speak up
Glynn: he`s got a ... up (mumble mumble)
Nurse: just tell us love..about your dad.
Glynn:(shouting out) HES GOT A TENNIS RACKET UP HIS BOTTOM
Silence a few beats......
Nurse: Well where is he??
Glynn: In the car..... In the car park....

Now picture pretty much every Nurse, doctor, porter in the department( well it was the early hours), now walking out into the car park, to find an elderly gentleman in the front seat of a mini metro, yep, with a tennis racket up his arse. The poor sod had been sitting there for several hours whilst his clearly socially exceptionally shy son had gone to get help.Just to help you picture the scene, he was unable to sit (obviously) and hence was in what can only be described as the " doggy position". with a tennis racquet up his arse, with people walking past, like this for several hours.....



Ps In case you wondered-he was fine, I believe it was a Slazenger, and you`d be surprised how many people will admit shoving stuff up their arses " just because" rather than bothering with a good excuse.
(rural confucious, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:05, 1 reply)

This...
is brilliant!
But which end of the tennis racket?
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 16:51, closed)