2 for 1
both of these happen in the same place, on the same day, but with different victims.

the railings
being a porker, i was never very good at climbing as a kid. because of this, my brother and sister would always want to play in the woods, where the best hiding places and most interesting trees were on the other side of a 6-fool railing fence, which i had bugger all chance of getting over. this particular day, as always, my sister was taunting me for my size and climbing ineptitude. "look, fat arse" she says "it's so easy to climb over!" and climb over she did. well, until she slipped and got a railing spike right through her thigh, anyway. after much screaming and surprisingly little blood loss, i managed to unhook her from the railings and get her home. she didn't get sympathy, she got a smack and was told that, if she hadn't been climbing the forbidden railings, she wouldn't have been injured.

the swing
about an hour after my sister's kebabing, i was once again playing in the woods. there was an old tree with a rope swing attached, which swung out over a very steep slope. i never went on the swing myself, my weight and puny grip made it an accident waiting to happen. my brother and his friends were there, all swinging and enjoying themselves. my brother spotted me and decided to indulge in one of his favourite pastimes; making a cunt out of me in front of his mates.
"what are you doing here, you fat bitch?" he asks lovingly. "you can't even swing! if you weren't so fat, you'd be able to swing like me!" and, with that, he leapt at the swing. unfortunately for him, only one hand managed to reach its target, leaving him spinning wildly, before plummeting to the leafy floor and rolling down the slope. the sound of cracking branches was punctuated by curses and little "oof!" noises. then, just as he reached the bottom, my brother let out an ear-piercing shriek. rushing down the slope, his friends and i were treated to the sight of my brother leaping wildly about, clutching his arse and yelling "pull it out! pull it OUT!"
as he spun past us, we saw a thin piece of broken branch, about 5 inches long, sticking out of his right buttock. to say that we laughed would be an understatement. one of his friends yanked out the offending greenery and we took him home. my dad had to take him to the hospital to get his poor bumcheek looked at. mum couldn't take him, she was already there with my sister.
after 2 tetanus jabs, 6 stitches and 2 utter bollockings, they were both banned from playing in the woods again.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 20:08, 6 replies)

You are
"Carrie" aren't you?
(Rsoles, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 20:19, closed)

i wish!
apart from, you know, the whole dying thing
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 20:29, closed)

Revenge
is a dish best served cold, do you eat salad?
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 20:34, closed)

yes
with delicious irony dressing
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 20:36, closed)

Click!
for entirely innocent usage of the phrase "after my sister's kebabing".
( Fronds are waving gently on, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 0:37, closed)

pfff
she got skewered good ;)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 0:56, closed)