Clucking fun
(see * for short version)

Once a month in our town, there used to be an agricultural auction on what is now Waitrose' carpark. One lunchtime, my mate Miles and I decided to take a look while we munched on our sandwiches. I don't remember noticing him bidding. He did bid and won which became apparent when he handed over his tenner and came away carrying a small cage containing two live chickens.

A plan evolved all by itself. We had double chemistry after lunch so we went back early, snuck into the lab and released the chickens. We left and returned a few minutes later to wait in line outside the lab with the rest of the class. Didn't tell anyone what we'd done.

Our teacher, Bomber, so called because he went for a very slow jog every lunchtime, arrived and entered the lab, the class followed him inside.

"Who let those in here?" barked bomber as he set eyes upon the chickens now happily running around under the tables and chairs. Almost as if it had been rehearsed, we were well used to winding up Bomber, the whole class responded "let in what sir?". Bomber, now stuttering badly shouted "Those ch-ch-chickens!". "What chickens?" we all asked innocently. Can't quite remember what Bomber screamed at us but it may have involved swear words and it almost certainly contained the phrase "fucking get them out of here now!".

Bomber stood by the whiteboard watching, his usually pale face now a glowing crimson in colour, as twenty or so boys pretended to try to catch the two chickens... A boy caught hold of a chicken, "I've got one!" he exclaimed, then deliberately let it go, "oh dear, it's got away" he lied. This continued for just about half of the double lesson.

Eventually the chickens were returned to their cage and put outside in the corridor. Miles and I were requested to join them for the rest of the lesson.

Mr Duncan walked past. He was one of the more fierce teachers and he'd often stopped for a "friendly chat" with boys from our class, more often than not, me. "What have you two been up to?" he asked. "We let these chickens free in the lab" we confessed. "Ha ha ha" echoed his laughter as he continued along the corridor.

After the lesson had finished, Bomber had calmed down and Miles said something along the lines of "I'm sorry sir, I put the chickens in the class for safe keeping, the cage can't have been properly fastened". Bomber was OK about it, I think he'd like to have marched us to the Headmaster but then he didn't really want the whole school to know that a whole half hour of one of his classes had been spent chasing fowl.

"What are you going to do with them?" asked Bomber, a vegan as it happens. "Eat them" said Miles and merrily we went on our way.

* We let some chickens free in the chemistry lab.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sat 31 Jan 2009, 8:16, 1 reply)

Strange coincidence
I've opened my conservatory door wide to give it an airing as I do every day, smoking in there at night you see. A blackbird has flown in there and is just sitting on the windowsill. I seem to attract birds Hopefully it will find its way out before the cat notices.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sat 31 Jan 2009, 9:26, closed)