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This is a question School Days

"The best years of our lives," somebody lied. Tell us the funniest thing that ever happened at school.

(, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 12:19)
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The legend of Alma
Every school has their share of eccentric teachers, one of ours was Dr. Al-Mudaris. A short Iranian man, looking and sounding like a cross between Sadaam Hussain and Luigi from the Mario games, Alma (as we called him) was ridiculously overqualified for his job. In fact, he frequently expressed his dislike of teaching at our school, and his wish that he was back at his old job at a chemical plant. He remained one of our favourite teachers, however, due to his many odd quirks.
Highlights include:

His coffee habit. He'd go through about four cups in half an hour. If we reminded him of the 'no food or drink in the lab' rule, he'd go and stand in the doorway, half-in, half-out of the room and sip his drink, looking pleased with himself. Halfway through the year he got fed up with going to the staff room for his coffee and kept a big bag of it in his drawer, which he would brew up at his desk using lab equipment.

The odd nicknames he had for people. Almost everyone was known as Boy, as in "Ahh boy, where's your coursework?" The single girl in the group was known as Leanne, despite that being nothing like her real name. My lab partner was known as Fire Hazard Boy, after he managed to accident set alight to some insulating material we were using. Another boy, Jamie, was constantly reffered to as Damien. One day Alma actually asked him "Is it Damien or Jamie, your name?" "It's Jamie." he answered. Alma seemed to quizically consider this for a moment before saying "I'll call you Damien anyway."

His many catchprases included "Shut it boy, I'm talking to the lady", "There is no black and white in chemistry, only gray" and "I want no Bucket Chemistry in this room boy!"
Whenever he saw me with my hands in my pockets he would call out "Take your hands out of your pockets boy, you're not in a park or cafe!" He finished an argument with a pupil by saying "Don't make me shoot you." At one point the adjoining prep room was requisitioned as a store room by the geography department, leading to Alma pacing around the lab grumbling about how they'd 'stolen his office' and calling on us to 'avenge him'.

One day he sat at his desk muttering "Ahh, Carol!" under his breath. When questioned about it, he insisted he didn't know anyone called Carol, and then outright denyed ever having said the name.

When I finally quit chemistry (due to being absolutely crap at science and not passing any of the exams) Alma made a point of encouraging me to come back whenever he saw me, despite my protests. Eventually he took to giving me odd jobs, such as sorting out the 'Chemistry Library' (a collection of mismatched textbooks) and designing a pamphlet for his wife's business (a job for which he actually paid me £2.50) just to get me back with the rest of the class.

One day I was hurrying to my next lesson, when he stepped out of the lab and called "Ahh boy, can you do me a favour? I need to get something, you watch this class for me." When I pointed out that I was already late for my lesson, he assured me he'd sort it out with the other teacher and then scurried off, leaving me to oversee his lesson for a full five minutes before he returned.

It's been years since I left school, so I've no idea if he's still there or not, but he livened up a dull subject for me and many others, and his eccentricities will live on in memory. Arkan Al-Mudaris, I salute you, sir.
(, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 20:03, 1 reply)
A Click
'cos schools need more characters like him!
(, Wed 4 Feb 2009, 11:12, closed)

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