THAT Teacher.
I had a lot of fun at college with one particular tutor. Every school has one, or at least SHOULD have one – that utterly useless twunt who knows a little about their subject, but has such a complete lack of teaching skills to make it irrelevant, and such an utterly abhorrent, obnoxious, backstabbing personality that removes any slight feeling of remorse that one might feel during the ongoing torment of their mortal soul.

We had one. Her name was Miriam. She taught history. Badly. She had enough trouble controlling the shy and unsure year seven students – by the time we were put under her “control” we were year ten, and had developed into an evil group of children, thinking and acting as one unit.

I will fully admit here that we were not a fair group – the majority were quite intelligent, but unfortunately knew it. There was only one real swot, and even he took it upon himself sometimes to rile her. Amongst other things, we:

- Continually referred to her by her former (married) name, or simply by her first name.
- Instead of throwing the odd paper-ball around the class, we would tear up books of A4 and have all out wars every time she faced the blackboard – and continued to do so when she turned around again.
- When learning about the atrocities of WW2, the entire class (led by yours truly) goose-stepped into the classroom and proceeded to give her a Roman Salute whilst shouting, in incredibly loud and bad German accents “Heil Herr Moronov” (a bastardisation of her surname)
- Regularly held “poster time” – any person in the class would shout out “POSTER TIME” and the entire class, as one, walked to the side of the room and started stroking a random poster. Strangely, the most popular poster was of the island of Lesbos.
- Regularly querying her about the history, politics, demographics, economic structure, religion and “other points of interest” about said Island of Lesbos.
- Continually and as un-subtly as possible passed around notes of folded A4 paper with the word “Nothing” written in big letters and laughed copiously at the contents until she grew so irritated that she would chase it down and react angrily to its contents. Every time.
- Managed to goad two students, one a very large athletic type and the other a very wiry, very confident hard-man into having a full-blown fist-fight.
- Goading said former combatant to throw his chair across the classroom at the other combatant when they were separated.
- I have a very irritating ability to whistle through my teeth, negating the necessity to purse my lips. I would whistle loudly and tunelessly at every opportunity, only stopping when she was conversing with the one swot in the class, thereby convincing her that it was he who was whistling continuously.
- Stole her glasses mid-lesson by crawling up to her desk when her back was turned. Handing them into the school office two weeks later.
- She had the habit of writing our names down in her diary for a detention list at every opportunity. Stole said diary. Laughed when we realised it contained nothing more than the date, underlined several times.
- Having the entire class write her name in said diary with their left hand & returning it to her desk.

These were but a few of the acts that we carried out in an ongoing battle of attrition against her over a two-year period, though the one that got to her the most? Acting impeccably during a visit by the new Head Master, answering questions correctly, offering insight and intelligent thought and studiously getting down to work when she asked us so to do. From our behaviour over the last year before the new Head started, she had assumed that we were, almost without exception, fuckwits.

Oh how I miss my school days....
( Hunter Stockton was murdered by a bicycle wielding axolotl,.,.,.,., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:44, 11 replies)

CUNT

(McChinaman banned, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:58, closed)

Clearly you are a teacher.
Don't get me wrong - I have a lot of respect for a lot of my tutors back then, but this one was worse than useless. She brought it on herself, and I don't feel the slightest bit of remorse for this.

Teachers are people too - you get the usual mix of some decent, some arse-holes. This one was a cretin. An unpleasant cretin.
( Hunter Stockton was murdered by a bicycle wielding axolotl,.,.,.,., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:09, closed)

I'm with Chinaman here.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:37, closed)

yep
Kids are cruel
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 16:15, closed)

Boasting about being a wanker
is not cool, kids
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:35, closed)

That's 75% of this week's responses,
written off, then.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 14:49, closed)

So it's been better than most weeks then.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 14:54, closed)

"assumed that we were, almost without exception, fuckwits"
Sounds about right
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 17:41, closed)

Assuming this is the person I think it is*...
...she was certainly one of those teachers that seemed to come under a lot of flak. Perhaps at least some of it was deserved.

*not in a stalkerish way, but I'm guessing I went to the same school.
( Jsysco is mostly a lurker, mostly, Sun 11 Sep 2011, 0:46, closed)

As a Nazi and a grammar stickler, it should be 'Frau' not 'Herr'.
(Avnas dosh!, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 3:51, closed)

after going to school myself for over 14 years
I have a feeling you were the cause of her utterly abhorrent, obnoxious, backstabbing personality.

I would probably act the same if you did all those things to me.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 16:04, closed)