Teenage Spunkiness
There is no group of people more irritating than teenage girls. Particularly me and my friends when we were at school. We were loud, giggly, obnoxious, thought it was hilarious to embarrass adults as much as possible and in fact behaved inappropriately in every way....

Our class Home Economics project when I was about 15 (about 1991, Christ on a bike...) was to produce with a marketable food product. Our brief was to do the market research, invent a product, source and design packaging, and advertise it. It was a competition and the winners would gain a small prize, the nature of which escapes me now. I forget who judged it too.

We did very little actual work. We decided to invent the first thing we thought of, which was dips - we were well ahead of our time. In those days you basically had mayonnaise, salad cream, ketchup and Dairylea. None of todays indulgence's like hummus, salsa, sour cream and chive. So where we got the idea I'm not sure, but we realised straight away it had potential for gleeful coarseness.

"Ha ha!" I giggled, as we wrote recipes for creamy white gloop, "spunky dips!" and so the name of our product was decided.

We came up with four different dips. Our packaging was cheap plastic cups from the canteen (those terrible flat cola or "juice drinks") with jampot covers for lids. We drew labels with globules of squirting spunk all over them, only just stopping short of CDCs themselves (is that a... carrot?). And we sang a catchy jingle "Spunky Dips! Spunky Dips! You'll looooove our Funky Spunky Dips!" (like Reggae Reggae Sauce sung by Timmy Mallet... but with barely concealed vulgarity. I think we might have even slipped something in there about creamy, salty goodness... )

And Pink Minty Fuck, if we didn't go and come second! Beaten only by Jane the swot who wrote a 12 page presentation on how she'd tackled her project (which was malt loaf. Malt loaf FFS).

There was an impressive write up in the local paper too. Apparently thanks to our "enterprising and insightful market research" we had discovered a "niche in the market", and with our "inventiveness and resourcefulness" we had, er, "filled it". This was alongside a picture of me and my mate Faye grinning like mongs as we thrust the spunk-covered cups towards the camera, entitled "The girls proudly showing off their funky Spunky Dips".

I've just been trying to find it in the Westmorland Gazette archive with no luck yet sadly. Ah happy days...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 21:14, 4 replies)

hehehe
thats quite a marketing plan, and wins a click for pink minty fuck alone!
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 21:53, closed)

How the pink minty fuck did you get away with that?
Probably coz it was way ahead of it's time - well before Chocolate Salty Balls. Did your catchy jungle also include 'chunky'?

If you find the article, do post it.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 23:08, closed)

Have a click
Good old innocent local newspapers eh?

But you are right, teenage girls ARE irritating. Why do they have to go to the toilets together? Do they need to hold eachothers hands or get their friend to wipe their arse for them? Tis madness.
( unsey a frizzy haired fruit since, Tue 18 Aug 2009, 13:26, closed)

It's to
a) talk about other people who are just outside loud enough so they know you're talking about them or
b) throw up.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 18 Aug 2009, 20:59, closed)