Lights! Camera! Speccy kid!
I spent my entire school career pottering along in the background. I was dreadful at sports, mediocre at subjects I didn't like and decent at the ones I did like - when I bothered to make the effort.
Basically, I turned up most days, mostly behaved myself and did the bare minimum to get by.
But for one brief, glorious spell I was asked to do something and it turned out that I was better at it at than anybody else.
It started with my History class being asked to write a faux-news report on the Battle Of Bosworth. And then read it out.
You've heard most kids try to read things out. "Mumble. Mumble. Errr. Wots this word? " All the enthusiasm and flair of a mogadonned whelk. Me? I was clear, articulate and passionate.Fucking brilliant, if I do say so myself. The teacher asked the class who gave the best reading and sixty awestruck eyes turned in my direction. Thirty inkstained fingers pointed at the startled speccy kid over by the window. Who was now wondering if he was going to get a kicking off the class hardnuts.
Anyway, there was a bit of news to come. The class was going to make a video about Richard III. They needed a narrator/presenter. Guess who that was going to be?
I spent an afternoon swanning around Nottingham (Or possibly Chester. I should really have been paying attention.Big city within a morning's drive of Stafford. Got a castle and a big river.)intoning my lines with all the gravitas a 14 year old can muster. I think I was pretty good at it too.

The finished result would get its premiere at the next Parents' Evening.

Which was a bit unfortunate.

Most parents don't give a steaming shit for anything that their offspring isn't involved in. So they didn't bother watching it. Most pupils were already hacked off about being dragged to school afterhours so they weren't going to watch it either.
And the two people that I would have liked to have seen it? (Three if you count me.)
Well, remember that bit at the top about doing the bare minimum to get by? Some eejit teacher told my parents this almost as soon as they arrived. Before I had chance to show them my starring role I was immediately dragged home for a mixture of industrial strength bollocking and turbocharged guilt trip.
I never did get to see it.
And I'm fairly certain that I know what happened to the videotape. Round about then Channel 4 were showing the "Red Triangle" films last thing at night...
(Big D, Tue 18 Aug 2009, 18:56, Reply)