Bilogy field trip
Back in the mists of time (1989), my science class was loaded onto a coach and sent to Chalkney Woods to learn about rain gauges, coppicing and bits of wood. As you can imagine, we were naturally thrilled to be part of this expedition to fucking nowhere and trooped off to toward the battered coach with the kind of enthusiasm that a soon to be disembowelled medievel convict mustered en route to the gallows.

As we boarded the coach, an unexpected rush for the seats started. "Must. Not. Sit. Next. To. Richard. Moss." was the matra chanted by 25 of the 26 lucky pupils. Richard Moss for his part was known to go several weeks (and even months) without having a wash and posessed the most obnoxious body odour ever. Worse still was his breath, which thanks to all the rotting food caught up in his brace reeked with all the charm of an open tropical sewerage farm during the humid season.

Guess who ended up sat next to Mossy?

The only highlights of the trip were Jane Smith's alleged manual manipulation of an unnamed chap on the back of the bus and Lee Smith (no relation) making sure that freak yellow rainfall was recorded in the weather station's raingauge.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 8 Dec 2006, 13:46, Reply)