Drugs of Edinburgh award
I knew it was pointless so I never did it, but I did agree to go on one 2-day hike to make up the numbers. Big mistake.

Walking all day in the wet in a pair of shitty trainers didn't help. The four of us finally found our spot for the night just as Sir turned up to make sure we were fine. Once we'd eaten dinner and he'd left, we set about doing what all teenage boys left in woods overnight do. Had a big fuck-off bonfire, using all our meths fuel to get the thing started.

All was well and good until Alex decided to throw a burning log straight into the air, which, by sod's law, landed directly onto his tent, burning a massive hole in it. Shitting our pants, number 1.

After putting all our bags into the smouldering remains, we all thought about getting some sleep in the other, now rather cramped tent.

"Whats that noise? I can hear someone outside". Paul went out to investigate, didn't get very far when he pelted back in screaming "There's a fucking bloke in a trench coat wiht an alsatian outside! Grab my knife and gun!". Luckily, he did have a huge hunting knife and BB gun that he'd stowed in his bag. We set off after this innocent dog-walker because he clearly was going to kill us. Shitting out pants, number 2.

2am, just drifting off to sleep when suddenly our tent is lit up like daytime. Fuck. What is that. Peer our heads out the door to see 3 Ford Escorts tanking it up the footpath towards where our tent is. The cars pull up, 15 people get out and we hear a voice shout through the blinding light, "'Ere lads, your teacher not around? Don't mind if we have a little rave here do you?". Not wanting to object and possibly be killed for the second time that night, we chatted to the pillheads for a bit and stayed up to watch the carnage ensue.

Drum 'n bass blaring out the cars, half-naked girls puking all over the place, couples fucking in the backseats, some bloke with a needle in his arm, and bags of 20,000 E's being dealt. I did not sleep at all. There's no shit left now, I am just prolapsing.

Sunrise, and we soon see our teacher marching merrily towards our completely distraught selves. Before we could even open our mouths to explain what had happened in the night, he looked at the debris of burnt tents, used needles and fag ends and said, "Are these yours?". We got an absolute bollocking right there, with promises of an even more severe one when we got back.

You fucking absolute cunt, sir. Why on earth would we come on a school trip and do heroin? Yes, we burnt the tent, but skag? Twat. I mean, what a moron. We were 14. Any person with even the slightest shred of common sense would have realised that there was no way that could have been ours, no matter how far fetched the actual reason was.

We spent the last days walk home seething with anger and sleep deprivation, randomly shooting animals with the BB gun.


Other details I have left out of the story included:

*Shoplifting from the newsagents in the village we were told not to go into.
*Myself shooting Paul, point blank, in the skull with what I thought was an unloaded gun, giving him concussion.
*Alex asking to buy some weed off the ravers.
*Perfectly shitting on Graham's shit in total darkness.
*Me setting fire to own own leg after failing to make a bomb out of a Fanta bottle and meths.


Knob knob knob knob knob.
(A Good Egg, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 3:29, Reply)