School Trip


I have a fairly boring childhood and not the fondest of school memories, but there is a particularly good one that stands out.

We were going to the beach for some biology malarkey, something to do with crabs and fish. I don’t remember the exact details, but I didn’t care anyway due to when we arrived the hottest girl in school asked me if I wanted to ‘play in the sand’, which of course I did. So, after much playing, we returned to the group only to find our 25 year old blonde teacher in a bikini sunbathing. We all sat around watching her until I heard a friend screaming in the sea. Naturally I ran over to help, only to see him clutched in the jaws of a great white shark.

I managed to free him and pulled his rotting carcass out of the sea, then wrestled the shark into submission using a nearby sword that was perched in the sand. All of my friends cheered in delight, including the teacher who demanded I should ‘take me now’, which I gladly obliged to, right in front of everyone. The hot girl even cooked a burger just from the sunlight, so I had a snack to eat once I’d finished.

Being a thoughtful fellow, I dragged the shark from the sea by its tail and barbequed it for all of my friends. A couple of passing police officers, a knight and a girl that I can only imagine was dressed as a mermaid joined us while all congratulating me and declaring me an honorary jedi knight.

It’s a shame time passed so quickly, but the day drew to a close and I lay there on the beach, content in my own awesomeness, knowing that I had truly made a difference in the world. The pink sky was beautiful and I saw out the evening with an intelligent conversation with a cheerful crab about the taste of diet coke.

And that’s when I realised those mushrooms I had the night before fucking rocked.
( Regger, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 23:50, Reply)