Shrewsbury
Back around 1994 I went on a school trip to Shrewsbury to see mines or whatever. On one of the days was a visit to some village where they dress up like the days of old and herd pigs around. On arrival I realised that I needed a nice big dump but, the first part of the day being guided, I had to wait. Come lunchtime we are sent off to do our own thing so I hurry to the shitter. Unfortunately the facilities were some what run down. They were in such a state that there was a dispenser on the wall of disposable plastic bog-seat covers so you didn’t have to get AIDS off the seat. Sadly I didn’t have the right change so I ended up deciding that I could wait until we made it back to the hostel. But the cramps took over in the later part of the day. They got to that stage where you just have to freeze or you know you’ll shit yourself.
The journey back on the coach was somewhat white knuckle feeling every bump in the road. At one point I went to lend my Gameboy to another kid and froze mid-handing due to a massive cramp. He just looked at me like I was nuts…
So we finally make it back to the hostel and I waddle inside and straight to the downstairs bog. Ahhhhhh! Sweet release! That dump still makes my all time top ten list!
Having finished and now a few stone lighter I retire to the dorm room and get changed for dinner. On heading downstairs it would seem that there is something wrong. People are walking through the lobby and winching. There are two girls on the phone who look like they might be sick. Then it hits me, the ripe smell of the cable I had laid 20 minutes earlier was thick in the air since the bog I used was off the lobby! Feigning ignorance I casually asked what the bad smell was. Their answer, and I’m still proud of this to this day, was:

“It smells like a rat died in there”

I think the handyman was sent to look for the dead animal and everything!

Yes!!
(Phelpsy Bollocks trapped behind radiator since, Tue 12 Dec 2006, 17:47, Reply)