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This is a question Inflated Self-Importance

Amorous Badger asks: Tell us tales of people who have a high opinion of themselves. Jumped-up officials, the mad old bloke who runs the Neighbourhood Watch like it's a military operation, Colonel Blimps, pompous bastards and people stuck up their own arse.

(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 12:22)
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And then all Hell was unclamped..
Another parking one, not mine.

A mate of mine, Ando is a tradie, he's a bit of an all rounder really - landscaping, brick paving, building etc. He can also come across as a bit rough sometimes, but he is also one of the most laterally thinking people I know. This story was related to me by another mutual friend Carlos. He had been working with Ando when this incident happened.

Carlos and Ando pull up out the front of a bottle-o at the end of a busy day at work in a fairly swanky suburb. Ando wanted to grab a couple of cans for the drive home because he loved a beer before, during & after work. Both of them spied the clamper and his ute pulled up in the carpark they had just pulled into. The same carpark with all the warning signs that if you were parked more than 15 min. your car would be clamped.
Ando hops out and heads into the shop to grab a 6-pack. Carlos calls his missus, gets out of the ute and spends a couple of minutes arguing with his missus about what they're having for tea.
Carlos notices the clamper standing near the ute and wanders back to find the nice fellow has placed a clamp on their front passenger side wheel. He begins to remonstrate with the clamper.
The clamper tells him they've been parked more than 15 min., if they want the clamp removed they need to pay the AU$200 fine - they can do so by calling the phone no. on the signs with their credit card details & then the clamp will be removed.

Total time Ando was in the bottle shop = 5 min. max.
Ando grabs a 6' pry bar, a rated extension lead and the hand-held bricksaw out of the back of their ute. He hands the pry bar to Carlos and then heads to the back dock of the bottle-o and asks them if he can plug in the extension cable. Then he plugs in the bricksaw (it must have been an old blade as Ando is a tight bastard and wouldn't waste a new diamond tipped bricksaw blade on something like that).

Ando then apparently spent about 3 minutes cutting the clamp whilst Carlos took turns levering it off with the pry-bar. He then chucked the mangled clamp on the back of the clamper's ute - much to the delight of many of the people now watching, retrieved his gear and him & Carlos hopped in the ute and drove home.

Of course he got caught up with by "The Law". He went to court - he'd kept his till receipt for the beer and the lawyer they had could show when Carlos was on the phone - hence showing that they had not been there more than 15 min. so Ando didn't have to fork out AU$4000 to the clamping co. for a new clamp & had all of his court costs paid by them.

tl;dr? There are some smart, vindictive tradies out there.
Apologies for length? I reckon the extension cord must have been at least 18m.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 5:55, 10 replies)
Sounds like you and your mates have a habit of putting things where they don't belong something something OKCupid.

(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 7:59, closed)
And you managed to shoehorn in a ref. to OkCupid.
Well done you.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:44, closed)
There used to be a guy calling himself "Angle Grinder Man"
who went around doing this - he was in the popular press for a while
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:29, closed)
$4000 for
a clamp?

(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 11:48, closed)
That's what he was told he
could have been charged for it.
Aside from any criminal charges. Clearly this wasn't a govmint mob and as far as I know it was a civil matter.
Ando had had more brushes with the law than a dodgy Mason & Pearson salseman - there was no way he could've gotten off if they didn't have something on him.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 12:00, closed)
Nice one
But the phone call and receipt don't really prove they were there for less than 15 mins. They could have been fellating each other for 10 minutes before those things happened.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 17:24, closed)
I'm only guessing here
but I imagine they used the time from the mobile call and the timestamp on the till receipt to show that the vehicle had only been left parked and unattended for a period less than 15 min.

Thus the 10 min. reciprocating double-blow-job would mean that the vehicle was still in use & thus "standing" rather than "parked".
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 21:46, closed)
What is the Aussie need
to change every noun so it ends with o or ee?
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 17:39, closed)
I quite like it
it gives the impression of a relaxed, confident mindset behind the words. Also Antipodean slang is really easy to interpret, compared to what some English speaking cultures and societies come up with.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 18:20, closed)
We're all the sons and daughters of criminals
who're too lazy, drunk and laid-back to pronounce most of the second part of most compound words - hence bottleshop becomes bottle-o and tradesman becomes tradey.

I can get Mr. Harris to explain it too you if like Marm.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 21:52, closed)

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