Crowd Marshal Montgomery
I used to live next door to a guy called Mark who did some work for a company called Events Management. They do crowd marshalling, door work etc for various large events (the clue's in the name, see?). One of the events they do this for is the Formula 1 Grand Prix at Silverstone.

I did it a couple of times, it was quite good fun. Keep an eye on the fence, make sure there's no-one climbing over, maybe meet some celebs, then watch the race when it starts. Mark though turned into a different person as soon as he put his uniform on. He bought a shirt with epaulettes specifically so that he could hang his radio on one and his mobile phone on the other; he started talking to people like he was some sort of earl - seriously, even his voice changed.

Anyway, one day he and I were working on the entrance to the paddock - many many celebs were spotted that day, although most of my time was taken up with telling people that they couldn't get through unless they had the right pass. While I was talking to Mark, Murray Walker walked through behind him. Murray Fucking Walker! I ran over to him, put my hand on his shoulder, and stopped him. He turned round, looking ever so startled, whereupon I told him I was a huge fan and asked if I could shake his hand. Still looking startled, he held his hand out; I shook it and let him go on his way.

"Oooh, not supposed to do that" said Mark "He could get you sacked for that!" he continued. I shrugged and continued with my day.

Much (much) later, Murray Walker is coming back through, to go home. I just opened my mouth to speak when Mark piped up "Good evening sir, hope you've had a good day?"
Murray responded that he had indeed, and made his way into the distance.

"I was going to apologise to him" I told Mark, slightly annoyed.

"I know you were" he replied, giggling. "But I didn't want to let you!"

There wasn't a lot of conversation in the car on the way home.

tl;dr - I worked with a twat for a few days
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 22:17, Reply)