Karma for a dick head
A little while back I had managed to go on an all day bender and decided that it was late enough, I was drunk enough, it must be time to go home.
Now, being that the last train had gone, the only way home was a two and a half hour walk or a taxi.
As luck would have it, I stumbled out of the club straight into a waiting cab.
"Did you order the taxi to *home town*?" asks the driver.
What a spot of luck. No I hadn't ordered it, but it was due to go where I needed it to, so I lied and commandeered some other blokes taxi (probably leaving him waiting outside for a good hour for another one)
At some point in the journey I thought it would be a great idea to do a bunk. I'm normally a fairly law abiding citizen and hate the idea of ripping off some poor taxi driver, but the booze was talking and I listened.
Directing the driver down a dead end street I hatched my plan. As soon as he had stopped at the end, I ran down a little alley and away. Not really a cunning plan, but it worked nonetheless.
After making sure I wasn't being chased I stumbled home, walked in, up the stairs and that's the last thing I remember.
Apparently the first thing my wife new was that she was woken up by a large thump, followed by the sound of taps running for some time.
She came to check and found me standing by the sink, attempting to clear the blood out of the bowl. I wasn't having much luck as the blood from the wound on my head kept pissing out and making it dirty again.
Eventually I was persuaded to go to bed where I quickly passed out.
The next morning I woke up feeling pretty shitty. I was nauseous, had a headache and felt like an utter cunt for skipping the fare on the ride home.
I eventually dragged myself out of bed to go to the bathroom to inspect the damage. At first I couldn't see any mark on my head and then realised that that was because I had injured myself above my hairline. I touched the scab and came to a slow realisation. It ran vertically up for a good couple of inches and was hidden at the moment, but what was going to happen when I lost my hair? I would have a line like Herr Starr running up by bald head giving the impression of one over grown bell-end.
I am still waiting for the day when I have to either shave my head and look like a walking cock or use option 2 and grow a ridiculous comb over.
Karma wasn't quite done with me. I bumped into a friend the next week who told me some arsehole had nicked his cab and the taxi firm had traced him down and made him pay for the fare. This made me feel a little better, as the driver ended up being paid and I reimbursed my friend for the trouble.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 11:18, 4 replies)

and this is a self-inflicted injury because. . .
or an accidental drunken cunt.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 11:55, closed)

Maybe it's a bit tenuous, but strictly speaking no one else was involved in giving me the injury so it was self inflicted.
I will also hold my hands up to being a drunken cunt on this occasion.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 12:54, closed)

ok

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 13:31, closed)

To be honest, I only clicked because of the Preacher reference.

( gone, Mon 2 Dec 2013, 9:26, closed)