Bad news
Mate of mine is expecting his first baby in May but recently found out that because his wife's placenta is too low - don't ask, I have no idea and I'm choosing not to think about it - they can't have sex until after the birth. They don't know the gender of the child yet but I've pointed out that if it's stopping him having sex it must be a girl
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:27, 4 replies)

And
what's wrong with her balloon knot? If she's going to try and wriggle out of her duties with some placenta story, she'd better get the butter out.
(Rsoles, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 13:20, closed)

Unless he's like John Holmes
His tadger isn't gonna be anywhere near the womb

It's like saying you can't reverse out your drive because next doors bins are out

[/fantastically random analogy]

I abstained from sex when Mrs Duck was preggers because she was frankly psychotic with the hormonal imbalance and would have used the opportunity to castrate me with her teeth
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 15:58, closed)

sounds like all she needed
was a goddamn good shag. That wouldv'e fixed her up.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 11:34, closed)

har
Your mate should say "Your mouth is nowhere near your low placenta is it, now open up"
(Lurkaloid awarded wanking black belt on, Tue 5 Jan 2010, 13:09, closed)