Roasted Peas in a pod
Many moons ago, I thought it would be a laugh to make a wax candle / dildo in the shape of my cock, and send it to my ex girlfriend. Remind her exactly what she was missing, that kind of caper. And also to give her light for many, many hours, of course (modest cough).

Now at that time I hadn't heard of dental algenate, so I set about making a mould out of plaster. How clever am I, I thought, because when the erection goes down, it will shrink and I'll be left with a perfect cast, with no need for the complexity of a two-part split mould.

So, I set about it. I cut a suitable hole in a plastic tub, edged the hole with sponge for comfort and sealage, positioned the tub on a cabinet which was at the correct poking height. Then I introduced the relevant body parts, and poured in the plaster.

I immediately hit a problem: plaster of Paris takes about 20 minutes to cure, and it's pretty tough to maintain a hands-free erection for that long -- despite the extensive array of "gentleman's literature" I had carefully prepared for this very task, plus about a week of abstinence to ensure a plentiful supply of "back pressure". Plaster also gets pretty hot while it cures, which adds further complexity to the task. At the time I wished that I'd used "quick set" plaster, though as I understand that this gets hot enough to cook with, so in retrospect I got lucky there.

But eventually the plaster went hard, with at least a semi remaining, so it was time to remove the cast. And here is where I get to the "I'm glad no-one saw me" bit: I found that the pubes on my balls were embedded as a rigid matrix in the plaster. I had effectively re-invented fibreglass, or possibly reinforced concrete.

So I'm standing in my room, naked and with about 2kg of rock swinging from my tenderest parts, firmly attached by the hairs. After trying everything I could - which involved blades in far too close proximity to my tenderest flesh - I eventually realised that there was nothing for it but to rip the damn thing off by brute force. Thankfully my house-mates were all out, so didn't hear the agonised primal screams and protracted sobbing that accompanied this DIY velcro experience.

I ended up with a far-from-impressive candle - like a tea-light that's been left in a hot car - but on the plus side, a beautifully waxed scrotum.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:49, 10 replies)

You sound like a right twat.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:05, closed)

If it had been attached any more firmly, I might have ended up with one...

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:43, closed)

And ten thousand male b3ta readers cross their legs in unison
You poor bastard. That has to be up their with the bomb, the handcuffs and the hacksaw. Have a click.
(ubergeekian, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:07, closed)

This certainly made me laugh
Another click.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:16, closed)

Thank you for sharing!
Please find attached one clicky..
(BeatsWork, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:30, closed)

"At the time I wished that I'd used "quick set" plaster, though as I understand that this gets hot enough to cook with, so in retrospect I got lucky there."
I'll say:
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lincolnshire/8303246.stm
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:31, closed)

Yeah, I've seen that
Though I can't really understand how she couldn't get it off. I know the real heat comes in after it's initially hardened, so I can see why she couldn't simply withdraw (in my case panic-shinkage would have solved that problem!) but personally if I couldn't get my rapidly-cooking hands out of a lump of plaster, I'd have "politely suggested" that someone fetch an 8lb lump hammer and smash the damn thing open...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:43, closed)

Well yeah
she didn't seem like the sharpest tool in the box though - the teacher told her to make a mould of her hands out of clay and then fill the mould with plaster, so she plunged her hands into the bucket of plaster and kept them there until her fingers burned off
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 18 May 2012, 16:15, closed)

ouch

(justin(e), Sat 19 May 2012, 18:10, closed)

For future reference: www.cloneawilly.co.uk/clone-a-willy-kit-candle
( Bathory, Fri 18 May 2012, 19:15, closed)