Naughty Barbies
As a small child, I had very little contact with other children. My best friend (by default since she was the only other kid in my neighborhood I was allowed to associate with) was 2 years older than I. At age 6, I was convinced that she knew absolutely everything because she was older and had a teenage sister.

One day, while playing Barbies with Michelle, she told me that she knew something that only adults knew about. Spending the majority of my time around adults, I was excited that I was about to gain secret knowledge.

She asked if I ever heard the word "sex". I said that I had but admitted that I didn't know what it was. She then said, "I'll show you what Barbie and Ken do at night. They do sex." Wow! This was going to be big knowledge!

She stripped down both dolls and told me to hold them together, facing each other. She grabed their heads and started moving them around and said, "First they kiss." I thought, 'Ok. I already know about this" Then she moved the Barbie back and forth and said, "Then the woman rubs her boobs on the man's chest." I thought, "Well that is dumb."

She said, "And this is how they have sex" while laying Ken down on the floor. I thought, "Yes! Here comes the big secret!"

She then stood Barbie over Ken's head with her legs spread and told me that the woman pees on the man's face, then the woman lays down so the man can pee on the woman's face, and that is sex.

I told her, "That is a lie! That is the grossest thing I've ever heard! There is no way that is true!" She insisted that it was true because her sister told her it was.

I spent the next few years trying to learn everything I could by asking kids at school then reading and watching TV/movies, and later, what porn I could get my hands on. I had to make sure she was lying because I didn't want to have to ever do anything gross like that. I never asked my mother though because I thought I'd get in trouble for finding out a secret only adults knew. I was grateful for every bit of knowledge I found that proved my friend wrong.

By the time I was 14, my mother wanted to have "The Talk". I told her 'no thanks, I already know about that stuff". To this day she still laughs at my childish stupidity of telling her I knew it all and not taking advantage of her years of experience. She thought I had learned it from my older step-sister. I still don't have the heart to tell her that I was no longer a virgin by the time I was 14.

Over the years I've thought about Michelle and Naughty Barbies. I wonder how she found out the truth. And I save a small shudder for the first freaked out guy she must have peed on thinking she was doing it right.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sun 28 Sep 2008, 19:12, 3 replies)

sadly, she still thinks she's doing it right...


Luckily there are many kind men who don't want to embarrass her and so play along.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 28 Sep 2008, 19:54, closed)

Well, she doesn't look half-bad in latex
I'd lose the hat though.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 29 Sep 2008, 1:44, closed)

but then she wouldn't be able to play
'Naughty Klaus Barbies'.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 9:44, closed)