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This is a question My sex misconceptions

Freddy Woo writes, "aged eight, a boy from my class told me everything these was to know about sex: male prostitutes are called destitutes and women use tampons to stop men sticking their willies up them. Also, women pee out their bums, something I didn't realise was wrong until I was about 18 and my first girlfriend looked at me aghast."

Share everything - Uncle B3ta wants to know.

zero points for conception/misconception jokes

(, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:54)
Pages: Latest, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, ... 1

This question is now closed.

Similar to Ad7's post below
I read once about a bloke, a medical student no less, who asked his mates what the second hole in his penis was for.

They fell about laughing until he showed them what he meant. It turns out that he was born with a rare condition which endowed his todger with two Jap's eyes!
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:40, 4 replies)
You know - I'm racking my brains here.
I'm one of the youngest members here I'd reckon - I'm 16 (almost 17 - before you get all riled up and protective of my innocence and whatnot). And I'm pretty well informed.

I don't think I've ever had any misconceptions about sex and love.
Oh well - one.

I utterly revolted against my sexuality once I realised I was a "lesbian" (at 13!!!! for christ's sake). Thinking I was a freak and that I was going to hell, I frantically become a bit of a slut and tried to force myself to Like/Love/Want to Fuck men.

Hated it. I went out with some really lovely guys - there was only one who was a total FUCKTARD who would GIVE me an excuse not to like men (when I already didn't).

Eventually came to terms with the fact that I am who I am and my sexuality wasn't going to condemn me to hell.

I have a lovely girlfriend actually. She's Hawt stuff.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:35, 21 replies)
Am I normal?
I was under the misconception that it was not normal to be an intelligent, rich, teetotal, drug free, goodlooking heterosexual male that likes shopping, dancing and watching Pretty Woman or The English Patient whilst snuggled up with his special lady as she appreciates my 12" penis and ability to breathe thru the ears.

Ladies - especially those of a forgiving or gullible nature like the one who was under the impression that there was no alternative to swallowing (see post somewhere below)- I need to hear from you for support and hugs.

I apologise in advance for the length.*

*Some restrictions may apply. Facts may, vary especially regarding penis size. All measurements are estimates.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:34, 2 replies)
Talking of misconceptions...
Apparently my parents had to try quite hard for a baby before my mum fell pregnant with me.

I think is was down to a big mis-conception...

Edit- Just re-read the top text. Bugger. Can I have one point anyway?
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:30, 2 replies)
My sexual misconception
Is that I used to think sadistically torturing your ex partner for infidelity was the preserve of fundy terrorist mullahs and similar psychotics, but apparently it's also acceptable, and hilarious to internet manchild fuckwits who think crying "reverse sexism" and "political correctness gone hurf de durf" is an acceptable argument in favor of a violent sexual offense. Yall should get lynched. Out.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:25, 32 replies)
Slightly off topic but...
A misconception put around by my good self at school was that if your willy floated in the bath it meant you were gay.

This was merely a ruse to cover my lack of swimming ability.
Non-floaty knob = Sinker.
Good swimmer = Gay.

I still find it a tad sad that it isn't true as I think 'Man drowned by own cock' makes a great headline.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:48, 2 replies)
My first girlfriend had some classics
Now bear in mind I was 18 and she was 23 AND had already had a kid with someone else, so you'd expect she'd be well up on all matters of the sexeh tiem.

Well on time in bed she was messing with my 'member' and was looking at it rather odly..

Her "Where is the other hole then?"
Me "What?"
Her "The other hole you piss out of??"

Thats right, this 23 year old woman who has had kids somehow thought the penis had 2 holes in the end...one for spunking and one for pissing!

I wish i'd pretended as the realization that they both came out the same place was met with, "thats fucking gross, i'm not putting that in my mouth again."
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:40, Reply)
Like a lot of people here, the majority of my sex education
came from the internet.

Imagine how disappointed I was when I found out that my sexual partners weren't into domination, being dominated, sadomasochism, bloodletting, electroplay, or, well, anything.

It was then that I realised how strange my own tastes were, and how unlikely it is that I'll ever meet anyone who is really sexually compatible with me.

No matter how many filthy PVC-clad goth girls I pick up from the pub.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:29, 12 replies)
Sex Misconceptions
Back in the 80s, when I was a gullible, yet nubile Sparklet,(or so I've been told since)I fell in love, with a young man who was a bit older than me 18 to my 14. So I believed what he told me. For instance
1) Women don't have orgasms as often as men, so there's no point trying.
2) Normal women don't masturbate (No I didn't tell him!)
3) Normal Women don't like "Getting" oral sex (I told you I was gullible!)
But for the clincher, the utter taker of the cake, in my book...
Fast forward 11 years. A drunken houseparty, here is Sparkie and Mr Sparkie of the last two years, their 2 Sparklets safely at Grandparents. Mr Sparkie says " You know, I've always loved that about Sparkie, she always swallowed, no messing about, no palaver.. just always" I stick my head around the kitchen door, in time to hear things like "Lucky Bastard" and "Lovely" from different drunk blokes in the kitchen with him.
I frowned, aghast..."wait a minute... so I could just have... not? So I didn't have to sort of learn to like it or anything?"
God bless village education! I'd acquired the taste for Babygravy... for ten years and never took advantage!

Apologies for length, it was, I recall quite excessive, just a shame the disease riddled eedjit never learned what to do with it...

*Edit... No one heard the POP so no one knew!
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:13, 7 replies)
some Catholics believe that you can't get pregnant if you recite the Virgins Prayer before sex. It goes...

Blessed Mary We Believe
That Without Sin Thou Didst Conceive
If That Is True, And So Believing
May We Sin Without Conceiving?

(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:00, 6 replies)
Sex ed
At the age of 16, the fat old bag who was the head of biology at my school decided my class was due for a frank no-nonsense discussion about sex. We were all given a sheet of paper on which we had to write any questions we had about sex, which were then folded up and put into a carboard box. The idea being that she would pull the questions out one by one and answer them.

Sounds like a good idea? Well it probably was until she said the worst possible thing, namely: "Don't worry, nothing can possibly shock me". Red. Rag. To. A. Bull.

Some of the questions:
Do I need to put a condom on the gerbil before shoving it up my arse?
Can your husband still get it up?
Can you catch AIDS from shagging a dead body?

It turned out that she could be shocked, at least that was the impression I got when she stormed off red faced and we were given a bollocking from the head of house. I guess her sex misconception was that she was going to get sensible questions from a bunch of 16 year olds about to leave school.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:52, 2 replies)
Don't think it was a misconception....
.. more of a misguidance. Or maybe misconceptions after the fact.

A number of years ago a friends (then) 11 year old son was telling his mother of their sex education classes. Ash was grade six in primary school. The class was run by a lady doctor from the state education department.

I remember my own Sex Ed classes were held in year 9 at high school. When I was 14.

Ash went on to tell his mother that the first period started with the teacher talking of the female side of the equation, breaking the ice with a question, "Can anyone tell me another name for a Vagina". The first shy hands wet up and answered along the lines of Pussy, Quim, Cooch, Chuff, Minge etc (bearing in mind these were all relatively innocent 11 year olds) and then the shyest of shy timidly calls out "Cunt, miss" and amidst all the laughter the teacher held her composure in check and repied, "Yes, that's the most common you usually hear. Now any more..?" The lesson ended shortly after having the basics of female anatomy and development explained and questions answered.

At this point in having the story related to me, I was saying how rather impressed I was at the teacher’s ability to get the kids to be comfortable and open about the topic.

The second period began in a similar vein, this time with “another name for a penis”. Apparently the boys in the class outdid themselves this time and had a ball. Figuratively speaking. Again the period ended with the basics of male anatomy and development and ended in a Q&A session.

Now, at the time, I had a 7 year old son and knew that one day I would have to broach the birds and the bees subject at some time and was rather impressed at this approach to sex education. But wait, I was told, there was more…!

The final session was all about the actual mechanics of sex. Its why’s and wherefore’s…..The ins and outs you may say.

Ash had explained that after the initial discomfort on the subject the whole class was enjoying the Sex Ed periods. He had learned the truth behind a lot of his own sexual misconceptions at the time. Seeing that most of that came from South Park, I could understand why – although I never had the heart (or balls) to correct him in his usage of Cartmans mother’s misheard expression “Rim Jaw”.

However, even MY jaw dropped on the answer to one of the final Sex Ed questions. One kid in Ash’s class asked the teacher, “What’s BUTTFUCKING”…. To which, the teacher’s straight faced reply was, “Well, that is something that South Africans do..”. And from that day on, the only South African kid in the class was nicknamed “Eddie the Buttfucker”.

Poor Kid.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:45, 3 replies)
‘Relationship Overlapping’

After my girlfriend dumped me, I tried to raise my spirits by going for a cruise on my own (On a SHIP – you dirty fuckers)

To my horror, the ship sank, and there were only 3 survivors; Me, a bloke called Joe and a young (rather attractive) lady called Susan.

Well, we managed to swim to a small island and started to set up a shelter etc. After a while it was quite obvious that we all got on very well, but there was also the inevitable attraction.

As consenting adults, the three of us got together and had ‘the talk’.

We lived happily there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do... But after several years of constant casual sex, Susan felt overwhelmed with guilt about what she had been doing. The moral degredation of regularly 'bumping uglies' with both Me & Joe (sometimes at the same time) was so bad that I’m sorry to report that she killed herself. It was a very tragic time but Joe & I managed to get through it and, after a while, as we grew closer, we confided in each other…and nature once more took its inevitable course...

Well, a couple more years drifted by quite happily but eventually, both Joe & I began to feel absolutely horrible about what we were doing.............

So we buried her.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:36, 8 replies)
Guess Que didn't delete his post, and considering I'm the first to hold my hands up when I've been an idiot, I'll say it first- I'm an idiot!

Feel free to call me a spacktard for the duration of this post, of you like...
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:32, 3 replies)
Bit wrong, really
My friend lost her virginity to a bouncer when she was 14 (pretty disturbing). More disturbing is that they did it in a field, and he made her do a headstand while he shagged her.

So when she finally met a nice boy a couple of years later and they decided to have sex, she assumed the only position she knew and did a naked headstand on his bedroom floor.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:24, 3 replies)
Something I learned this weekend
I thought it would be entertaining and funny to use the commentary on the WWE wrestling as commentary whilst frolicing in bed with my young lady.

Turns out I was wrong. Who knew?
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:01, 8 replies)
slightly tenuous link
but i remember a family friend's 6yr old kid obviously having discovered the word 'sex' and knowing it to be a naughty word of sorts, running round asking everyone at a barbequeue 'how do you spell 'SEX' s-e-x?

(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:00, Reply)
slightly edited pearoast
So, I'm sat in a Sex Ed class, aged about 13 attempting a quiz we've been given - "Can a girl get pregnant if the guy pulls out before he comes?" The answer, as I now know is in fact "yes", but to my innocent mind the answer is undoubtedly "no" because I've understood it like a band pulls out of a gig in that they didn't turn up, so in my head the guy is probably on the other side of town because he's phoned up to say "Sorry, I can't see you today" - before he comes, being before he gets there - how on earth can that make a girl pregnant? Oops!
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:51, 1 reply)
Birds and feathers...
Some how I managed to convince my younger brother than women dont have pubic hair but they have pubic feathers instead. I told him thats why women are sometimes called birds. He believed it for years!
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:50, 1 reply)
when i was but a wee lad
i had the birds and bees clumsily but fairly well explained to me by the parentals.

now being an imaginative chap, and there being no accounting for the way kids minds work, after learning that sperm were essentially tadpoles (no indication of size was given) and that unused sperm would simply come back out of the recipient, for a good year or two i would furtively scan the ground behind walking women in the hope of catching a glimpse of some of the tadpole creatures leaving the body.. thinking perhaps i might gain an insight into the kind of women who were having 'sex'

i am glad at the time i didn't think far enough into it to imagine the possible sensation of shooting millions of little tadpoles out of my tadger... i'm sure i'd have been terrified.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:42, Reply)
When I was 18 I started going out with a lass who lived in a village just outside of the town where I live. Although I wasn't what you'd call a sexpert - I'd had sex once when I was 13 and then again a few years later - she was a virgin, although she had seen one cock in real life and had let a gentleman caller take a stroll through her lady garden with his fingers.

We'd been going out for a couple of months and slowly working our way through the bases until we got to the point where a nibble on her jebs and pants-on fingering action while she gave me a little wank, was par for the course.

One day however, we were both feeling particularly horny and, although my parents were sitting downstairs watching TV and could knock on my bedroom door at any moment, found ourselves as naked as the day that we were born. Thinking I could chance my arm (or more correctly, my tongue) I asked her if she'd freak out if I went down on her. She look at me a little confused and then said, 'Oh. Ok, I suppose.' Even though it was hardly an enthusiastic response it was good enough for me and, more importantly, the English legal system , so I soon found myself lapping away at her twat to a chorus of low grunts and moans of pleasure. These grew in volume until I was seriously concerned that my parents would hear her and come and see what all of the commotion was about, but she finally came to a breathless orgasm and deposited a goodly amount of lady spaff about my jaw and lower face.

Having cleaned myself up a bit, we lay there in each others arms with me waiting for the gob job I now felt I was owed, when she turned to me and said, 'I've got a confession to make.' This elicited a mild panic in me; had I just had a Crying Game moment and the vadge I'd just so fondly licked was actually an inside-out knob that a surgeon had stuffed back up him/her? Was the quantity of lovejuice so great that she'd actually done a cheeky piss in my mouth to fake an orgasm? Fortunately, her confession was much sweeter, if a lot dimmer. 'When you said would I freak out if you went down on me, I thought you were going downstairs to make a cup of tea.'

And to think, if I'd asked her 'would you be upset if I nipped round the back?' I probably could have bummed her.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:37, 3 replies)
and now for the science bit
During the first year of GCSE combined science we were doing a module on 'human reproduction'. All falopian this, testes that, and 'stop sniggering at that back' the other. But anyhoo I digress, at the end of this module, the teacher said rather nonchallantly 'oh you've got a practical next week'.

For some reasons while the boys in the class, were excited and enthused by this news, a wave of fear and worry decended upon the girls, like a poetic metaphor written by a tortured teenage poet in late autumn.

Imagine my disappointment when it actually turned out to be growing bacteria in milk. Something I'd perfect during my student days, so I guess it wasn't completely useless.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:30, Reply)
They told me the G-spot was hard to find
...but I think they meant to say it's hard to find FOR MEN, because honestly I've never had any trouble.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:28, 2 replies)
a few girls i know
didnt think men had pubes...

we do
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:20, 5 replies)
A couple of misconceptions...
When my brother got married, I was under the impression that his wife'd be squeezing out mini chavs within a matter of hours. That was a misconception. On a recent stay-over at his house, I noticed a bookshelf filled with How-to-get-pregnant books. That looks like a series misconceptions.

Naturally, I laughed, loud and long.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:39, 4 replies)
My childhood mind couldn't tell the difference between the words rake and rape. So whenever I heard someone had been raped (news, The Bill, my Dads newspaper) I thought someone had taken a rake and attacked them.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:25, 3 replies)
I know. Sensitive subject and nothing remotely funny about it.


For absolutely YEARS I'd hear something on the news like.

"A woman was raped earlier today in the Scotswood area. A man is helping police with their enquiries."

Until I was about 17 I honestly believed that, in cases of serious crime, the coppers would bring in civilian experts. They'd have a rape reported and think:

"Old Tom Harris is a good man on rape. We'll go and get him to help us solve this one..."

I really believed that was a pool of amateur sleuths who the cops would call in on their difficult cases. And, one day, I wanted to be one.

(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:19, 4 replies)
I was seven
My question was "Mummy, when you were my age, was I an egg?"

It got a lot of laughter from the family, and I'm reminded of it whenever I see them.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:01, 2 replies)
i THOUGHT sex was something that, as a man, you have to earn by endless thoughtful and selfless deeds, like some kind of monthly wage where at the end of the month, your total worth was calculated and allocated you the pussy for the next month

i THOUGHT i was no great shakes in bed, or as a boyfriend or human in general, to only get a grudging quickie once a month.

i THOUGHT my my balls were supposed to reside solely in her handbag. (metaphorically speaking)

it turned out that i was simply dating a maladjusted, manipulative, selfish bitch who i have VERY little doubt will one day turn out to be a full-blown lesbiajn not just the bisexual she currently claims to be.

i now understand i am more than capable of causing all sorts of exciting kerfuffle in the ladygarden, with some degree of skill judging by the demand for said kerfuffle, and the number of times i've had to tighten the bolts in the new bedframe... and that sex is something that in a healthy relationship, both people want, and in plentiful supply. thanks to the likely furute MrsLoaf for edumacating me :D

apologies for length? never again.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 7:57, Reply)

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