I don't know why I asked.
I knew I wouldn't like the answer.

Grim tale, my friend. Grim tale.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 15:41, 1 reply)

Cheers
The bit about this that makes me laugh is what happened after I found 'the horror'.
I somehow had to manoeuvre this wobbling beast off my dick without covering my hands in piss and spunk. And because I couldn't think straight, rather than doing this whilst still sat on the toilet, I awkwardly crab-scuttled to the bin in the corner and started gingerly unrolling it while making pathetic little ''ooooh nonoooo, ohhhh nonnoooooooonooooo" sounds. Then I had to hurry back to the toilet with it and up-end all the syrupy goodness into the bowl, thus ending up clutching the thing in my fist with blobs of her gut slime seeping between my fingers.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 15:51, closed)

It just gets better (or worse)!
Did you make her breakfast, or make a hasty exit?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 15:54, closed)

Ah dear, this is where it got a bit unpleasant.
I lurched out of the bathroom in complete fucking shock at what I'd just had to cope with, and she came out of the bedroom at the same time. I was clutching the railings at the top of the stairs and just muttered "I feel fucking awful."
She very haughtily snapped "Not HALF as bad as I feel," stormed past and locked herself in the bathroom. The girl whose house it was ended up going in there with a mate after about twenty minutes of very obvious crying.

It turns out she'd never had sex before, and very very VERY much regretted losing her virginity to a shitfaced idiot with a boil on his nose, who fell asleep on top of her immediately after ejaculating.

The whole episode was a real low point for all concerned.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 16:18, closed)

christ.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 16:29, closed)

I know.

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 16:42, closed)