Munters
On a piss-up in Manchester with a load of my Geordie mates and all of the Manchester contingent of an institution known as the "Vomit Club" (Voluntary Organisation for the Mass Invasion of Taverns) I ended up in a student bar in one of the halls of residences.

It was fairly early, about 10ish, and I was pissed but not wankered. A mate called Simon suddenly bowls up to me with the Union Bike in tow, a plump lass called Rowena, and said:

"Hey Legless! Remember that bird you chatting up and I ruined your chances of a certain screw by being sick on her?" he yells

"Errr - yes" I says uncertainly

"Well I've a brought you a replacement. This is Rowena and she bangs like the shit-house door when the plagues in town. She's yours for the night.."

And with that, he dumped Rowena in a seat next to me and buggered off. Well, not being one to look a gift-horse in the mouth, me and Rowena disappeared upstairs to her room and made the beast with two backs for a couple of hours. At around midnight I checked my watch and realised that there was still a good two hours drinking time left and that all of the crew would be in the Swinging Sporran so I decided to dump the sea-monster and head over for a final few pints. I got out of bed and started to get dressed. Rowena stirred.....

"Where you going?" she mumbled "I thought you'd stay here tonight with me..."

Not wanting to hurt her feelings by telling her the truth I came out with.

"Sorry love but I've just realised that I've forgotten my Insulin and I'm starting to feel a bit light headed. I need to go back to my mates for a shot or I'll go into a coma"


She fell for it hook line and sinker and I headed into the night and into the nightclub.

I still feel bad about that lie and I'm sure that the Gods will get my back by having me develop diabetes for real as I get older. As if I care....

Cheers and I'll see everyone in the Drunken Monkey on Saturday. I'll be the one unconscious in the corner. Don't piss on me.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 25 Nov 2005, 8:54, Reply)