Benitses, Corfu
16 years ago went for a very drunken fortnight with my mate Mick. We spend our time sunbathing or trying to be very drunk. Mick forgot that to get a shag you need to talk to girls so come the last couple of days he was getting very frustrated. I know I walked in on him performing the Fist of Fury twice.

//shudder

He decided that a more forthright approach was needed, so after a few beers he went along one of the bars trying to chat up each girl in turn, all of whom told him to go away.

“Mick your trying too hard just relax,” I said, whilst thinking pack it in you’ll not get a shag like that.

“So you think you can do better then ?” he says

“OK I’ll pull the girl behind me, four cans of lager if I do?”

“OK” he says, all hyped up I turn around.

//shudder

Fuck me, I thought a Yeti in knickers, but as I’d turned around and looked at her she did the same to me our eyes met. I was caught like a rabbit in the headlights, I knew I should have ran and never looked back, but somehow I couldn’t. I can’t be rude even to the worst minger and looking back a bets a bet.

I managed to get away from her room at 07:00 the next morning. Mick said nothing when I went back but I muttered something about the beer he owed me and went for a very hot shower.

When we got back home all the lads went out. Mick decided to tell all my mates about the monster, when I was at the bar. But he’d forgotten to mention the bit about the bet. Which, when I told the chaps they all agreed I’d won the bet fair and square and it was his round.

A couple of weeks later we all decided to go the beach for the day. When we were there Timmy Mallet was doing a show on the beach, actually that could be another story but no. Sitting two seats in front with her mate was the monster. Luckily Mick didn’t see her and I managed to make myself invisible.

Fat, ugly and the personality of rancid cheese, still at least she had big tits.

//shudders uncontrollably and hides
(Yellow Car is now red, Tue 29 Nov 2005, 9:42, Reply)